Insecure And Ashamed Of Myself

I just don't understand.

I don't want to toot my own horn but I have accomplished so much for a 18 year old female. I was raised solely by my mother who does not earn much. She is both my mother and father.
Currently I have my own place, go to a fully paid for University through financial aid, and have great friends anyone can ask for.
I also have anxiety, and social phobia. Last quarter I cut class every single day because I could not have people notice me. If the lights were not dim in class, I felt uncomfortable.
What is going on with me?
I've thought about dying, and leaving this world and how everything would be better if I was gone since I am a sad mess.
I haven't had a boy friend. I've had potentials, but I always get put in the friend zone. I'm a plus sized lady with small breasts that makes me sooo insecure.
Other peoples opinions of me are more important to me rather than my own opinions of me lately.
I care too much about what other people think of me.
I am ashamed to be me, but for what? I don't really know. Maybe it's my body image that makes me insecure, maybe it's my past fears with anxiety that paralyze me.
I need help. I've seeked professional help, and am going to continue to do so. Right now I just need a friend that understands, and a hug. What is wrong with me! Why am I this way? ****. Life can be so beautiful at times, and completely hell the next.
moonlightjunkie moonlightjunkie
18-21
Jan 9, 2013