And due to my shame at who I am, I am often afraid of letting other people get to me. I see myself as worthless, pathetic, undeserving, etc etc...

I'm often afraid that if I open up enough to people in real life and really allow people to get to know me, that they would see just how pathetic I really am too. That was the case many times.

I guess that's one of the reasons I have become so anti-social these past few months. Whenever I walk out in public or go anywhere, no matter who I'm with or if I'm alone, all I can feel is people looking at me, even strangers and thinking, "Wow, she's so pathetic... That pathetic girl... Etc, etc."
deadmoon deadmoon
22-25, F
7 Responses Sep 24, 2011

Just a quick note to say that other people tend to view us as we view ourselves. It's not my purpose on this board to try and psychoanalyze anyone, but if you ever need a sounding board you're more than welcome to contact me and I'll get back with you when I can; I usually check EP a few times per week.<br />
<br />
I the meantime, find something to smile about today - it doesn't matter what it is! :-)

Even if you are pathetic, that's who you are and you only live once. You need to make the most of your life now while you're young. I used to feel like you when I was young...and now I am dealing with the disgust I have for myself for wasting all of my opportunities to live by feeling so horrible.

Yeah, I'm pretty pathetic too in many ways. I worry too much,<br />
cry for lost loves way too long and take friendships too serious.<br />
If someone tells me a sad story I feel like it was happening to me.<br />
I get sad when I see so much precious love & time WASTED on<br />
really stupid stuff. I can be as pathetic as you, but<br />
<br />
<br />
Our lives are all touched with pathos, sadness, unmet desires<br />
and unfair treatment. The thing to do about it is SHARE like you<br />
are doing right here with this question. WE KNOW what you mean,<br />
and I don't think you should be ASHAMED...<br />
for just being HUMAN like all the rest of us!

I understand how you feel deadmoon. That feeling has been with me for a while since i was 11. I do believe that there are certain things that have taken place in your life that has distorted your view of yourself. I have been made to feel worthless as well. You are definitely not alone in this. You are young and still have more growing to do. Your views will most likely change as you get older and you will see things in a new light. It took me a while....and I still feel that way from time to time, but I have learned alot about myself and others. Not everyone feels like they are worth a million bucks. Trust me, some people are just better at hiding it than others. Despite of what anyone says or how anyone treats you, you must reassure yourself that you are worthy and deserving of life's gifts and blessings. NO matter how dark things get. I hope my words have inspired or helped you in some way.<br />
<br />

I shower you with affection for many reasons. Mainly because I like you. Partly because you like it. Partly because you deserve it. And partly, in a way, to get you to believe it yourself that you deserve it. You handle life better than I. <br />
<br />
You make me smile and laugh. It means a lot to me that you want to do those things. Not saying those are your only 'uses', cause they're not. You can do anything you put your mind to. There will always be those people that see you as nothing, but there will be also always those people that see you as someone great. I see you as someone great, despite all the pressure at home and with your friends, and life itself.

I am not aware of always having felt this way. I believe I have felt like this since...<br />
Maybe since I was eleven or ten? I know it hasn't been all my life, but I know I've felt this way for a good part of it.

Have you always felt this way or was it something that happened at some point that you can pinpoint a time? I can tell you that you aren't worthless because I can read it in your writing, You are a talented writer that conveys a point concisely. I think you would be a great tech writer in fact. However no matter how many times I tell you this I won't be able to change your mind until you see it for yourself. I hope that happens for you soon because you really are a talented young lady.