I Never Knew Dating A White Guy Could Cause So Much Problems In My FamilyWhere to start?
So many problems that stem from me being a Korean American coming from a traditional Korean family.
My parents were against me dating my boyfriend because he is White. My mom finally came around to say that she will accept that I will date outside of my race but doesn't want me to date my current bf because he comes from such a different background as me. His parents are divorced and his dad has a girlfriend but doesn't live together. His mom left him when he was a baby. He doesn't have a college degree and doesn't have a respectable job. People won't take him seriously because of the fact that he doesn't have a college degree and he has a mediocre job...these are all the things that my parents were saying about my boyfriend.
I understand that my parents want the best for me and wants me to find a better guy suited to be part of my life and my families' life. Every fighting with my parents for about 1 month I finally told them that I will just be friends with him and keep my options open. They wanted me to go out to a church and network there; expand my social network and surround myself with Christians. I was just tired of fighting with my parents because in their eyes my mom compromised and said as long as I continue going to a Korean church she will be open about me having a non-Korean boyfriend as long as I bring home a "suitable" boyfriend. However in my head I saw that as her trying to control my life, even in my mid 20s, telling me who I should be associating with and where I should be networking. I don't understand why they can't just accept that this is my life and they need to respect my choice in who I choose to date and who my friends are. If I'm happy, they should be happy for me. I know I'm fully capable of finding another guy who might be have a better education or a job or who comes from a whole-some background but I'm happy with my current boyfriend and my life.
Recently my secret got revealed and my parents found out that we were still dating. After long conversation of tears and frustration in both parties, I told my mom that she needs to leave me alone and let me do my thing. I can try to do what she wants "just be friends with him and surround myself with the people that she wants me to be surrounded with" but I don't know how much longer I can pretend to be what I'm not. Until when do I have to keep wearing the shoes of my parents' child? We hung up the phone lost in words and my mom repeating "I'm not going to call you after this conversation. Is this really what you want? You are choosing him over us? Why do you act like you were never loved by us? This is it." Of course I want to say "I was wrong. I love you guys. I want to please you guys." But I don't just appeal to them all the time.
As a 1.5 generation child I struggle with trying to become independent and establishing myself as an individual in my family. OBviously what I think and believe in is looked down upon in my family. My parents still think there is something wrong with me for thinking that I want to just move on and not be super close with my family. There is something wrong with me wanting to stay with this guy and choosing to be apart from my family. In my eyes, its them who are choosing to let me go. They can be in my life but are choosing not to because I won't listen to them.
What to do at this point?
sarahkb23 22-25 8 Responses 4 Jun 7, 2011