Big Blob Of LiesBIG BLOB OF LIES
I'm not sure where this story fits in the group blogs but here I go writing about the mess that I have created.
Ever since last year I've been lying to my parents (almost everyone in my family) about my life starting with my boyfriend.
My parents didn't approve of my boyfriend because 1. not of the same race but they eventually got over that. But their thing about my boyfriend is that we aren't from the same background (he doesn't have a college degree, doesn't have a respectable career, family situation is very different. They have tried their best to get their ideas through me on being with someone who has the same similar background and dating someone who is intelligent and educated. Mainly I think my mom is afraid that I'll let go of my tradition, my culture in aspect of dating him...adopt the western culture which seem scary to both of my parents. It's not like they don't speak English nor are they intimidated by the "White" people/culture. I'm not really sure what it is...why they want me to date someone who they think is "appropriate" or why they don't think my current boyfriend isn't good enough for me because he doesn't seem perfect on paper.
I have been lying to my parents about just being "friends" with my boyfriend, attending church (I have been going on/off for about 3 years now), and activities that I do if it pertains my boyfriend. If I'm going away for the weekend including my bf then I just tell her I'm going to visit my friend...those kind of lies.
It really is exhausting trying to cover up everything...somethings that won't be approved by my traditional Asian parents since it's not how they raised me.
My mom recently have told me that she's been feeling sad and hurt by a lot of things that I've done..small and big lies...and somehow I've caused her to lie as well. All I can say is how sorry I am for making her be in that situation. I didn't really know how to answer that...I still don't know what I can say to relieve the situation that my mom is in. IT's not like I want her to lie for me...but who is she telling that needs to know my business? I'm just trying to figure out what I want in my life. I have graduated from a respectable university and gotten my bachelors in science and worked at a respectable research institute and they have raised me to have morals, be thankful, try my best and have goals and motivation. OF course I want to be close with my parents, especially my mom tell her everything and include her in my life, but that's hard when one of the things that is VERY important in my life she doesn't approve of and wants me not do have any romantic relationships with him.
I am 25 years old, trying to make my life away from my parents and yet caught in my mess of a life because I chose to live that way. I love my boyfriend but I love my parents at the same time. I'm too stubborn to let go of one thing that I have here with me. All my close friends moved away after finishing college and then I met him. He's fun and energetic. I never really dated while I was in college because I never really had the time between school and work. He's such a gentle soul and he treats me real well. Sure from time to time I do wish he had his degree be at the same life pace as me because he works fulltime then goes to school so our life path isn't really the same but I still love him because he makes me feel happy and bunch of other things when u are dating someone.
I just don't want to fight anymore with my parents. I don't want to yell and say mean things. But I want to live the way I want to and not to please my parents. I'm scared actually...have an uneasy feeling whenever they call me because I don't know when things will get real. I know it's going to be soon since she knows something was up.