Slow Starter

I love women i've quietly admitted for a couple years now  I suppose I've always known this but it was a real slow burn thing with me  I mean I remember crushing madly on an older girl back at school but since then until couple of years ago I didn't go through anything like that  From time to time, a particular woman would catch my eye and I would admire her from afar and appreciate how beautiful she is but I wasn't desperate to go any further, not like with that girl back in school  I would have given everything I owned, all my pocket money for sure!  to get with her, even just once  Since then I haven't felt that intense about any woman, up until a couple of years ago   Then there was a certain woman who used to come in the salon I run and I dunno, she really did catch my eye and I began to think of her more and more and soon I began to think of what it would be like to be with her and very quickly I found myself fantasising about being with her when I was in bed and the first time I caught myself fantasising about her in that way, it was a shock! I stopped at that moment! but I couldn't stop for long because I could not get her out of my head! after that, it was a nightly thing and it began to drive me crazy, or she did, without ever knowing it, without ever knowing what she was doing to me! I used to even make sure I found something else to do when she came in the salon and let one of the girls who work for me do her hair because I did not dare touch her  She was driving me that crazy  That whole situation began to drive me wild with curiosity and I found I was really looking at women, in the salon, in the street, anywhere i went  and after a while I could not stand it and that woman who came in the salon was by then driving me out of my mind, without ever knowing it  I couldn't take it any longer, nightly fantasies about a woman who I just knew I couldn't have - she's married with kids - were just not enough! anyway, eventually, I got the nerve to go to a couple of bars in town where i knew there would be women I might be able to be with, I live in a big city and there's a scene  I still had a boyfriend at this time and I thought of it as exploring my bi side  It took some getting my nerve up to go in there the first time but I overcame the butterflies and went in and a woman offered to buy me a drink within 10 minutes and later that night she did a lot more for me  and since then I haven't wanted anything else  I finished things with the boyfriend I had a few days after that and I haven't had one since, don't want one  and the only thing still bothering me now is the questions I'm getting more and more  I know i used to be thought of as something of a man eater, so more and more recently I'm getting questions from friends as it's so long now since I had a boyfriend  Some of them are actually worried about this out of character 'celibate' behaviour, have even been asked if I'm thinking about becoming a nun or something  Well, no! that's not it! So, it's dawning on me that either I take some boyfriend as a cover, which I cannot be bothered doing, or I answer the questions directly and tell them how it really is with me now    but it's easy to say that, quite another thing to actually do it  I used to think I was very confident!  



FlightyBird FlightyBird
26-30, F
4 Responses May 14, 2010

You've got all our support! It's not the easiest, but your true friends will understand, and love you no matter what. Those who mind don't matter and those who matter won't mind.

Those you are close to and you trust should be OK with you being you. The rest do not matter. It's time for you to be comfortable with yourself. A little friendly reinforcement from those you trust will provide that comfort. The first steps to being out, are the most important and the hardest.

It took me a while to come out to my friends and still I keep it from some. Once I started telling people I trust a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I know it seems hard but friends are friends no matter what and if they change after that then u deserve better friends. You deserve to be happy and if you are interested in a woman then go for it. I am currently acting like a coward too. I can't approach a woman I like. It is never easy if it was it wouldn't be worth it. Good luck hun!

Yes, its pretty hard to be that forthcoming sometimes. You are who you are though. It doesn't have to be an issue unless some else makes it one. And if they do, well then its their problem. So I guees on the other hand a simple, I'm not looking, or I'm not interested at this time, or even a none of your business would probably suffice. It really is no one elses business. Good Luck!