You May Be An Aussie If.......

With thanks to my sister for sending this to me, apologies to the author - please let me know who you are if you wrote it:

FOR THE AUSSIES - You know you're Australian when:
  • You believe that stubbies can either be drunk or worn.
  • You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden.
  • You understand that the phrase 'a group of women wearing black thongs' refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds. You pronounce Melbourne as 'Mel-bin'.
  • You believe the 'l' in the word 'Australia' is optional.
  • You can translate: 'Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas'.
  • You call your best friend 'a total bastard' but someone you really, truly despise is just 'a bit of a bastard'.
  • You think 'Woolloomooloo' is a perfectly reasonable name for a place.
  • You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife.
  • You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin.
  • You understand that 'Wagga Wagga' can be abbreviated to 'Wagga' but 'Woy Woy' can't be called 'Woy'.
  • You believe that cooked down axle grease makes a good breakfast spread - you've squeezed it through Vita Wheats to make little Vegemite worms.
  • You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis.
  • Beetroot with your Hamburger... of course!
  • You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels' song 'Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again' And 'Living next door to Alice'.
  • You wear ugg boots outside the house.
  • You believe that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off for a pittance.
  • You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them.
  • Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language.
  • You understand that 'excuse me' can sound rude, While 'scuse me' is always polite.
  • You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose.
  • You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle and a seat belt buckle becomes a pretty good branding iron.
  • Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules for beach cricket.
  • You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call 'Anzac Cookies'.
  • You still think of Kylie as 'that girl off Neighbours'.
  • When working in a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer.
  • You know how to abbreviate every word, all of which usually end in "o": arvo, combo, garbo, kero, lezzo, metho, milko, muso, rego, servo, smoko, speedo, righto, goodo etc...
  • You know that there is a universal place called 'woop woop' located in the middle of nowhere, no matter where you actually are!
  • You know that none of us actually drink Fosters beer, because it tastes like ****.
  • You sleep with Aeroguard on in the summer and don't mind it as a perfume.
  • You've only ever used the words - tops, ripper, sick, mad, sweet, to mean "good" and when you place 'bloody' in front of it then you really mean it.
  • You know that the barbecue is a political arena.
  • You say 'no worries' quite often, whether you realise it or not.
  • You understand what no wucking furries means.
  • You've drunk your tea/coffee/milo through a Tim Tam. You own a Bond's chesty - in several different colors.
  • You know that some people pronounce Australia like "Straya" and that's ok.
  • And you will immediately forward this list to other Australians, here and overseas, realising that only they will understand
ProfDavros ProfDavros
56-60, M
24 Responses Feb 1, 2012

We're a talkative lot, aren't we? Struth, I've been eating Vegemite since I was old enough to open my mouth for a spoon.

Yeah. Right on, ay. . . . .well, most of it. Melb'n is pronounced more like that, or Mell-b'n, if you're a Vic, and the city with the coathanger is "Sinny."
Oh, and NOBODY under fifty eats lamingtons.

I was born in Australia, however I do not class myself as one, as I hate how lazy most Australians are, no wonder most can speak an asian language when ordering takeaway,I also hate the taste of vegemite & beetroot, was recently given them combined as a sandwich, it was a joke but I went right off, I love Fosters, much better than most local beers, I dont like abreviating words or names, very degrading in my opinion

Well done sir. And particularly well done is your response to whatever the anonymous person wrote. We can laugh at our selves, because we know we are not perfect, but we also know we have a lot to offer!!

hehehehehe soo damn true and proud of it :)

omg so true love it

ive seen this before!! its awesome!! xxx

loved this! why DO they think we would ever drink fosters...and warm? hmph! this is fun...cheers!

My pleasure to bring happiness to others.

I have no problem with criticism where legitimate. Much of what is said has a legitimate basis - many Australians are as you describe, and many are not.<br />
<br />
You seem to have had a frustrating time in Australia<br />
<br />
Your rant is written from an empty profile, and I suspect from a head to match. The overgenerous preponderance of stereotypical generalities is impossible to deal with in any reasoned way. Without knowing which country you are from, and what experiences you had in Australia beyond the above, one is hard pressed to know what is useful to say.<br />
<br />
Just a few corrections - wouldn't want opinionated ranting to be mistaken for facts:<br />
<br />
TIMSS for 2007 rated Australia 14th behind USA and UK for math and science ability through school age whereas the PISA index in 2006 put Australia halfway between the USA and the top ranking (i.e. 7th compared with USA 14). What this shows is that these indices are unreliable, and relative. A single percentage point could separate adjacent members in the list.<br />
<br />
White Australian free settlers also started in South Australia, from UK pioneer stock. SA wasn't a penal colony. The penal origins are suspected of being the source of our general disrespect for unearned authority, and egalitarianism.<br />
<br />
White colonial assumptions, attitudes and behaviour toward the original inhabitants has definitely done their culture harm. Irrespective of the intent (sometimes truly benevolent, often careless of the consequences, sometimes callous and malevolent) the results were and continue to be devastating. Cultural differences mean that understanding from their perspective takes compassion and research. I suspect you'd need a transplant to be able to form an informed opinion on the topic.<br />
<br />
Cost of living in Melbourne and Sydney ranks among the highest in the world - similar to other large population centres. When comparing costs for places like Adelaide, liveability is much better.<br />
<br />
For every ignorant, overweight, bellicose Australian you present, I could find examples each weak on TV of ignorant, arrogant, unhealthy commoners and leaders from around the world.<br />
<br />
All societies have positives and negatives as seen from other societies - it's an ex<x>pression of the commonly held beliefs, which in turn are formed largely by that culture. To dump **** on the Australian collective experience without noticing some wonderful benefits (beyond sun) is ignorant and unfair. I suspect you didn't truly see what is here in its totality.<br />
<br />
I'm glad you are where you are most happy; it pleases us too.<br />
<br />
Looking forward to some creative, positive contributions and comments from you in the future......but I'm not holding my breath (wouldn't want to end up brain damaged and lifting the IQ here).<br />
<br />
God bless you, and all who sail in you.

Oy....Oy......... and Oy

Actually, I understand; but then I read "Let's Talk Strine" way back in the 60s!

Did you read the companion volume Fraffly Well Spoken (on Toffey English) by Afferbeck Lauder? (A moffless work of grey tumour).

No :( but I remember a Cockney one, lady goes up to the counter in a florists and says "Emma Chisset."

No wuckin' furries. Too funny. I love "cooked down axle grease" and teased the Yanks with it when I visited there and when asked told them that is what it was. :)

Sounds like a former boss who worked for a while in Washington as an Australian Navy liaison.... he brought in some Australian sweet treats for morning tea one day, and told the US contingent that the Vanilla slices were "Snot blocks", while the Custard Tarts were "Pus tarts". Put them right off eating. I wonder why?

Bloody awesome... And yep... aussie through and through... Only thing that is aussie abnormal about me is I don't like Vegimite... But it is brilliant for fixing mouth ulcers!<br />
<br />

My mother-in-law used Vegemite as a wound filler wher she took a chunk out of her leg on a remote property. When she took the bandages off 3 weeks later it was healed.

it's the high salt and vitamin b combo i've been told.

I love the Australian language and especially the accent. So even if I have no clue what you're saying ...please do continue to talk lol :-D

Great list :-D<br />
<br />
Particulary liked:<br />
<I>You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis.</I>

Yes, and isn't it true! You find someone famous and claim them as an Aussie even if they only went to school here for a year.

Yep, definitely true. I blame the Aussie media for that :-)

We also call Canberra, Canbra or Brisbane, Brisbin. The English are poms and the Americans are yanks (no offence to the southerners) I lived in Texas for 6 months and taught myself not to use the term because someone might take it the wrong way, it's just slang.

Yay I am Australian, I understood them all, and have done quite a few of them myself

Wikipedia has an entry on it:<br />

So good to see some of our LINGO,on EP.It really is Aussie to a T.Shame we can be so proud of it,but adopt ex<x>pressions from other countries and put all our sayings at risk of being lost to future generations.Go Aussie. !!

But many of our most dear expressions were stolen from other countries years ago! I see that as one of the beauties of Strine is a real language hussy,

The one I'd really like for you to decipher is the one about axle grease being used to eat...........that one really threw me as I know what axle grease is here lol

Jacee, Vegemite is traditional Australian yeast based spread, typically put on bread, toast and sometimes crisp-breads when getting over gastro. It is black, and has the consistency of axle grease! It is rarely enjoyed by those who have not grown up on it. The comment about worms is that if you put it thickly between crisp breads with holes, and squish it together, the vegemite oozes out like black worms.

Ahhh ok.......I've heard of vegemite before but didn't realize you also called it axle grease lol And I got the part about the worms cause I did that with peanut butter lol

It isn't.... but the allusion to something black and squishy that you eat is enough to know what is being talked about.

Wash your mouth out with soap! ;-)

Yes, it has a similar consistency, smell, taste, but because it's a little different, tastes 'yuck' to someone with a sensitive taste raised on the real stuff!

I'm surprised if you have it in the US. Vegemite is a prohibited import because it has yeast extract in it.

Have you tried either before?

1 More Response

If there are particular things above that you'd like translated, I'd be happy to explore it a little.....

Oh Yeah lol I knew what a few of those meant and I looked up a few, but still have to admit to being lost on the majority of them. :-D But it's all good.<br />
<br />
And moondance you are totally right. Folks down here in the South have a language all their own.......... :-)

Absolurely. I lived in Texas for 2 years. Between the accent and their slang I had to really pay attention. But I loved the people and the state:)

if you wanna really be lost try living in Georgia or Tennessee around that's hard for me sometimes and I've lived here most of my life lol

OK then. I did not understand the half of that. Reminds me of down south in the states. They have a language within the language...

I understand... 'strine' is a particularly rich and colourful language. We have an advantage seeing much US TV. When in the US a while ago, I bought a book at the airport on "how to speak Texan" - very enjoyable and fascinating. We are indeed "separated by a common language!"