I Just Had to Share This........
Posted August 3rd, 2009 at 3:15AM
These are not my words, I received this today from someone else, but thought my aussie friends here would get a kick out of it......
These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour__________________________________________________
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
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Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
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Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
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Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns ,Townsville and HerveyBay ? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?
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Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )
A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe ..
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
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Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
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Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
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Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ....
Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
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Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
A: You are a British politician, right?
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Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.
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Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
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Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
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Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
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Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male popula tion? ( Italy )
A: Yes, gay night clubs.
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Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.
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Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? ( USA )
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour..
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Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
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Love it! It's been emailed to me at least a dozen times over the last 5 years or more and it still gets me laughing!
I've never heard any comments from North Americans tho'. I wonder if they get the joke? -
I laughed myself sick !!!!
I have heard similar questions from Japanese when I lived there. -
LillyLou, thank you for this story! And thank you c8Lorraine for drawing my attention to it.
I -- literally -- have tears in my eyes, I nearly spit Guinness Stout all over the laptop of the family house.
:D
Thank you so much!
Cheers,
Andrew -
Goodonya my fellow Aussies!! Love this one - specially like the one about the Drop Bears. . . !
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This was so hilarious!!! I loved the questions about the hippo racing and the Vienna Boys' Choir. Actually I loved them all. Got a great giggle for the morning. Thanks :o)
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BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH wow that really was a good laugh... i got to about 5 down and interupted my friend on msn and was like haha you have to read these!! I loved the hippo racing and the vienna choir, oh and the idiot who wanted to know which way was north.. hahah I want to know the legend that answered these hahah, Thanks.
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This is amazing, what a great laugh!! Thanks for sharing!
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Ahh is there any room for the Elephant races after the Hippos?
Oh sorry ...I think thats held at Alice Springs...West of Cairns somewhere South of Kunnunara hehehe I still call..... -
ha ha .. its so funny.. thanks for sharing lol
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I couldn't read all of it because I'm stuck in my Igloo on August 3rd in Canada there's ice every where we must be in the middle of a Blizzard. Don't worry Aussies us Canadians know what you have to go through. Oh and most of those questions are probably written by Kiwi's trying to torture you.
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Just tried the "spray urine on before going out for my walk" trick. Worked perfectly. Thanks for the tip.
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Yes, those bloody drop bears are a real problem out here.
We're going to be in Sydney for the hippo races in September - if anyone's interested, it'd be good to meet up and share some punting tips. -
OMG this was hilarious..
have people actually asked these questions???
I'm hysterical here but at the same time a bit of embarrased,- :-0
anyways I needed a good laugh thanks -
oooooh I cringed imagining some-one petting any of our snakes ...
I can see the attraction signs .... Taipan petting zoo and swim with the crocodiles aquatic adventure park. -
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ....
Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Haha thanks for that,nearly wet my pants reading it...too good :P -
Best laugh I've had for sometime, thank you. Reminded me of the time I was driving south and the Californian girl with me was surprised to see the moon rise over the Pacific Ocean.
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This is a great one, thanks for sharing.
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im american and somewhat embrassed how dumb some people can be but it was still freaking funny the drop bear had me crying
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im american and somewhat embrassed how dumb some people can be but it was still freaking funny the drop bear had me crying
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thanks for the early morning giggle.
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ROTFL !!! That was the best! I'm crying...
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Good stuff hunni !! Now.....which way is north again ?? lol
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I laughed at this many times on the net, but I think the comment about the snakes is dangerous for tourists. I would not joke, by saying aussie snakes are harmless. For anyone out there reading this - we got some of the deadliest snakes here.
I was driving alone in Queensland, and took a break on the top of the mountain pass, between Warwick and Ipswitch. From the parking lot, there was a sign indicating a 20-minute walk to a scenic lookout. I walked about halfway in the forest, distracted, relaxed. There were white-gray fallen branches on the path, from the tall gum trees overhead. Suddenly, only 4 meters ahead, one of these "branches" raised its head as it was moving away from me. It was a snake as thick as my arm.
Life-preservation instinct prevails over everything else. Before I could think about anything, my feet executed a turnaround and I was on my way back to the parking lot.
As soon as I arrived home, I went to the optometrist and ordered a new pair of glasses. -
Chosing glasses is a bit of a compromise. At the optometrist, it would feel right to see all details on the chart. But wearing them all day long could be tiresome. I learnt to chose them just a bit blurry.
Snakes and traffic signs notwithstanding, there is a distinct advantage in being able to ignore some of the visual noise. I feel more comfortable to imagine what I don't see. This doesn't turn me into a dreamer, just helps keeping the right focus and perspective. -
Good lord, I cannot believe how bigoted non-Americans are about Americans. Couple of clues here:
1. The 'dumb' questions aren't being asked by just Americans
2. No, Americans don't think they're at the center of the world. They're little if any more invested in the domestic matters of their country than are the inhabitants of any other country.
3. Anyone with a clue and a little worldliness should have been highly skeptical of this in the first place. It's a hoax. It's a confirmed hoax. It's an obvious hoax, meant to play on the bigotry (read: unthinking prejudice and stereotypes about someone) of people toward Americans.
Depressingly sad. -
Hmmmm, RathaPM...WHO ARE YOU REALLY??
I watched the Chaser's Episode filmed in America - if this questionnaire was a hoax, it's pretty close to the truth!! -
Gawd, I was horrified by the Children's Hospital Episode! Roj thought it was funny...:( Sometimes I wonder about him...
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I loved the Chasers episode with Osama Bin Larden getting into the conference
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I could see what they were trying to do with it (the hospital skit) but at the same time knew it would get up a lot of people's noses. My thoughts : oh no, they're not, are they??? but I admit I do sometimes wonder about the amount of effort put into thinks like 'make a wish'. Great ideas and would be great if you could dispense the specialness evenly round the world but I think about all the other kids who are not in first world countries who are dying for want of a few dollars worth of aid and wonder whether raising money for airfares etc. is really the best thing to do. Then again we could all just be spending it on drugs, stupid entertainment and ephemeral fashion...
As to the comment on Americans - why didn't they also get upset about the way the story treats people from the UK? Sweden? all the other places??? If there are dopey Australians then surely there are dopey Americans too??? -
Oh yes, that was hillarious!
We accidentally let the kids watch the bed testing episode, where they hopped into display beds and performed group sex in public under the covers to "test" the suitability of the beds. My eyes nearly popped out of my head. I wasn't sure what I was going to tell my children. It was a very difficult situation because we happened to have both sets of granddparents watching with us, and although I would normal just switch it off, on this particular night, I didn't want to cause a scene. It was terrible. I feel like I have scarred my children forever. :(
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