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I Just Had to Share This........

These are not my words, I received this today from someone else, but thought my aussie friends here would get a kick out of it......

These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour 

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Q:
 Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ). 

A:
 We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die. 

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Q: 
Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA ) 

A:
 Depends how much you've been drinking. 

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Q:
 I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )

A:
 Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water. 

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Q:
 Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns ,Townsville and HerveyBay ? ( UK ) 

A:
 What did your last slave die of? 

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Q
Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA ) 

A:
 A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .. 
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not 
... 
Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked. 

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Q:
 Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA ) 

A:
 Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions. 

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Q:
 Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK ) 

A:
 Why? Just use your fingers like we do. 

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Q:
 Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )

A:
 Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is .... 
Oh
 forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked. 

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Q:
 Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK ) 

A:
 You are a British politician, right? 

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Q:
 Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany ) 

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.

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Q: 
Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA ) 

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

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Q: 
I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA ) 

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. 
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

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Q: 
I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA ) 

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

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Q: 
Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male popula tion? ( Italy ) 

A: Yes, gay night clubs.

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Q: 
Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France ) 

A: Only at Christmas.

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Q: 
I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? ( USA ) 

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour..

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Q: 
Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA ) 

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
 
   
deleted deleted 26-30 45 Responses Aug 3, 2009

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Drop bears, I heard that one years ago and its still around. Very funny, thanks for sharing...

Excellent and yet so typical of other confused cultures ha friggan ha

lol...tnx 4 sharing

Folks, sad how you were all taken in by this. It appeals to all our sense of prejudice.<br />
<br />
The whole thing is a hoax. It does the internet rounds every once in a while, changing from Australia to Canada, etc.<br />
<br />
Go to Snopes to bust this internet myth:<br />
<br />
http://www.snopes.com/travel/foreign/olympics.asp

Folks, sad how you were all taken in by this. It appeals to all our sense of prejudice.<br />
<br />
The whole thing is a hoax. It does the internet rounds every once in a while, changing from Australia to Canada, etc.<br />
<br />
Go to Snopes to bust this internet myth:<br />
<br />
http://www.snopes.com/travel/foreign/olympics.asp

Absolutely loved it. I have tears running down my face from laughing. Kangaroos in Sydney would be a sight. As to hippo and elephant races, well yacht racing on the Todd can't be much stranger (the Todd isn't reknown for it's water factor) Well done.

Awww. It's a relic LillyLou story. Glad to see there's still a few fragments around EP for the archive.

This North American laughed his butt off. I especially enjoyed the "fountain of youth" response. Proves beyond any doubt that what goes down under comes back up in spades.

Fantastic

Thanks Lilly--I nearly busted a seam I was laughing so hard.

Oh, we handle tigresses for breakfast, and they walk back to the jungle with a huge smile.

what are <br />
Aussie men like? How hot are they or not?

Lilly one Chaser thing which I did think went a bit too far was when they were trying to throw a mannequin of the (female) governor general over the wall of the (male only) Melbourne Club. Just seemed unnecessary and not funny - don't know why that and not some of the others. Even I missed the humour in it.

Hey november, if you were Vietnamese, you'd find people here who speak it - not just in the big cities either! Wouldn't just have to rely on body language and French ;)

No, I'm sure they're keeping that scene aside as something to fantastize over until they get to discuss it with a female friend.... and then discover that live doesn't quite work the same way as TV does.<br />
<br />
ROFLMAO "If life was a musical"... now that was sensational. <br />
<br />
and the eulogy song.

Oh yes, that was hillarious! <br />
<br />
We accidentally let the kids watch the bed testing episode, where they hopped into display beds and performed group sex in public under the covers to "test" the suitability of the beds. My eyes nearly popped out of my head. I wasn't sure what I was going to tell my children. It was a very difficult situation because we happened to have both sets of granddparents watching with us, and although I would normal just switch it off, on this particular night, I didn't want to cause a scene. It was terrible. I feel like I have scarred my children forever. :(

I could see what they were trying to do with it (the hospital skit) but at the same time knew it would get up a lot of people's noses. My thoughts : oh no, they're not, are they??? but I admit I do sometimes wonder about the amount of effort put into thinks like 'make a wish'. Great ideas and would be great if you could dispense the specialness evenly round the world but I think about all the other kids who are not in first world countries who are dying for want of a few dollars worth of aid and wonder whether raising money for airfares etc. is really the best thing to do. Then again we could all just be spending it on drugs, stupid entertainment and ephemeral fashion...<br />
<br />
As to the comment on Americans - why didn't they also get upset about the way the story treats people from the UK? Sweden? all the other places??? If there are dopey Australians then surely there are dopey Americans too???

I loved the Chasers episode with Osama Bin Larden getting into the conference

Gawd, I was horrified by the Children's Hospital Episode! Roj thought it was funny...:( Sometimes I wonder about him...

Hmmmm, RathaPM...WHO ARE YOU REALLY?? <br />
<br />
I watched the Chaser's Episode filmed in America - if this questionnaire was a hoax, it's pretty close to the truth!!

Good lord, I cannot believe how bigoted non-Americans are about Americans. Couple of clues here:<br />
<br />
1. The 'dumb' questions aren't being asked by just Americans<br />
2. No, Americans don't think they're at the center of the world. They're little if any more invested in the domestic matters of their country than are the inhabitants of any other country.<br />
3. Anyone with a clue and a little worldliness should have been highly skeptical of this in the first place. It's a hoax. It's a confirmed hoax. It's an obvious hoax, meant to play on the bigotry (read: unthinking prejudice and stereotypes about someone) of people toward Americans.<br />
<br />
Depressingly sad.

Chosing glasses is a bit of a compromise. At the optometrist, it would feel right to see all details on the chart. But wearing them all day long could be tiresome. I learnt to chose them just a bit blurry. <br />
<br />
Snakes and traffic signs notwithstanding, there is a distinct advantage in being able to ignore some of the visual noise. I feel more comfortable to imagine what I don't see. This doesn't turn me into a dreamer, just helps keeping the right focus and perspective.

I laughed at this many times on the net, but I think the comment about the snakes is dangerous for tourists. I would not joke, by saying aussie snakes are harmless. For anyone out there reading this - we got some of the deadliest snakes here.<br />
<br />
I was driving alone in Queensland, and took a break on the top of the mountain pass, between Warwick and Ipswitch. From the parking lot, there was a sign indicating a 20-minute walk to a scenic lookout. I walked about halfway in the forest, distracted, relaxed. There were white-gray fallen branches on the path, from the tall gum trees overhead. Suddenly, only 4 meters ahead, one of these "branches" raised its head as it was moving away from me. It was a snake as thick as my arm.<br />
<br />
Life-preservation instinct prevails over everything else. Before I could think about anything, my feet executed a turnaround and I was on my way back to the parking lot.<br />
<br />
As soon as I arrived home, I went to the optometrist and ordered a new pair of glasses.

Good stuff hunni !! Now.....which way is north again ?? lol

ROTFL !!! That was the best! I'm crying...

thanks for the early morning giggle.

im american and somewhat embrassed how dumb some people can be but it was still freaking funny the drop bear had me crying

im american and somewhat embrassed how dumb some people can be but it was still freaking funny the drop bear had me crying

This is a great one, thanks for sharing.

Best laugh I've had for sometime, thank you. Reminded me of the time I was driving south and the Californian girl with me was surprised to see the moon rise over the Pacific Ocean.