Autistic + Bipolar....

Hi, my name is Felicia. I have mild/moderate Autism and Bipolar Disorder. My life is a little challenging (okay a LOT) but I am trying to work on bettering best I can. I was diagnosed with Autism at age 9. For years I struggled with emotional and mental disturbances and we didn't know the cause. We tried getting me diagnosed, but nobody ever thought it was Autism. Anxiety Issues they always said....well, when I was 9 I went to the Dennis Development Center in Little Rock AR and was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome (Autism). I call it autism, because I'm not like most Aspies out there. I have my autistic quirks which I just can't hide. I used to pretend my legs were a set of drums, and when I was worried or nervous, I rocked myself back and forth going to town on my ahem...."drumset." I try not to do that anymore, but I still have my moments....people can tell I'm autistic. It doesn't bother me. I have a job, I have friends at work whom I socialize with. I'm not too much of a social creature, I like to be quiet and think to myself. I love to write and make up plays and movie sequences in my head. I am almost 20 and still love to color pictures. It is so relaxing to me. My hands are always going! I'm not much of a flapper anymore, but sometimes I still flap my hands like flippers. It is physically calming to me. When I am upset, I don't want to talk. I want to be alone. I like having space to myself to vent, but because I live at home I don't always get the space I need. I have a very protective mother, and she tries her best to cope with my differences, but sometimes she is stumped on what to do next. I've come a long way over the years since I was 4. I've graduated High School, and had a small graduation ceremony because I don't like big crowds. I hate people touching me for a long period of time. I hate when my skirts touch the backs of my legs. I hate having my pants hemmed. I hate my legs being touched. I hate being touched. Hugs are okay, but in moderation. I, on the other hand, and a big hugger and a social love. I don't understand why I hug and touch others but I don't want to be hugged and touched all the time. I have my moments.... :)

I get angry very easily....I have a slight attitude problem. I don't like noises of any kind, especially loud ones. I can't stand noises. I like the quiet. I like to talk to myself outloud when I am having a hard time, sometimes when I am at work I like to be alone because when people want to talk to me, I seldomly want to talk back, and then I feel forced to talk, because people get their feelings hurt if I don't talk to them, so I sit there, getting bored, and I don't get my work done very fast, and we get paid at my job by the amount of work we do. So I like to sit by myself while I am working, and this offends many of my friends, but it helps me. I've learned you can't please everyone in life, so just try to be happy and live on your own terms. Don't go out of your way to be a butt head or anything, just don't go out of your way to force yourself to please someone who is going to always be a snob or a jerk to you. I have a few friends, and I like to keep it simple. As far as my bipolar is concerned, it has been becoming a major issue in my life. I get angry for no reason at all, I accuse my boyfriend of doing things I know for a fact he's not doing, but I still accuse him of cheating on me, because I am insecure. Sometimes I get pretty insane. I hate being depressed all the time. I want to be happy, but my mind just goes ballistic sometimes and makes me very doubtful and angry. It's bipolar disorder, and I don't like it .

But, I am trying my best to deal with my autism and bipolar. It isn't easy, but who ever said life is?
gooberndpeanut gooberndpeanut
18-21, F
2 Responses May 12, 2012

Thank you and yes he is:) he is my whole world. But sometimes he gets sad because he doesn't know how to always help. He is my angel though

I hope you get what you want You are a fighter and deserve some happiness, but the insecurity will demionish as you get older but please try to remember your boy friend is there for yoiu!