Alien To This World

Every once and a while I look out to the world in bewilderment, and realize how different I truly am. Supposedly everyone is unique, so do they all feel equal to the way I feel?

From a purely philosophical viewpoint, I suppose it is our differences that keep the world interesting. Does interesting mean consistently confusing? Every time I try to understand the patterns of this world, things just seem even more unpredictable.

Does everyone have this same trouble? I'm not a logical creature, but a simple one. I used to think I was just stupid... I haven't an incredible amount of common knowledge, but I do have a decent amount of common sense.

My analytical brain craves to understand... Why do I watch in wonder as others interact with the world around them? Why can I not understand? I'm twenty-five years old, why do I still look to the world in wonder?

These things I have so much trouble with, so to everyone else so easily. Can all of this be explained by simple learning differences? Really?

People most especially, are so full of mystery. Even my friends... Their thoughts and emotions are so complex, while mine are so simple. Why are you sad friend? Did someone hurt your feelings? Was it me? Did I do something wrong?

I live everyday in this world so stressful and alien to me... When I was younger I knew that I would inevitably become and adult one day. My parents were different, they were understanding of the world. I thought I would grow up to be like them. Until my little sister surpassed me...

Why am I still here when no one else is? I am an adult, but the older I am the more profound my confusion becomes. I'm not stupid, but social interaction within the world eludes me. Is this the permanent world of an autistic? Will I ever be able to just grow up?

HalBashes HalBashes
26-30
3 Responses Feb 13, 2010

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That's a hell of a good piece of writing chap.<br />
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I can tell that you're smart and will be successful. You're method of thought is not simple, its just more logical, most people run on emotions and aren't even aware of how they think and don't bother to analyze anything.<br />
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I'm Nuerotypical, but very logical, and it frustrates me when my peers fail to look at a situation correctly. IMHO, most people dont even try to understand human to human interactions, they just run a pre-programmed code of social cues. You try to find the deeper meaning behind stuff, and most people can't understand that. <br />
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In conclusion: Although not top of the bell curve normal, you are NOT disabled

I signed up to comment on this.<br />
<br />
That's a hell of a good piece of writing chap.<br />
<br />
I can tell that you're smart and will be successful. You're method of thought is not simple, its just more logical, most people run on emotions and aren't even aware of how they think and don't bother to analyze anything.<br />
<br />
I'm Nuerotypical, but very logical, and it frustrates me when my peers fail to look at a situation correctly. IMHO, most people dont even try to understand human to human interactions, they just run a pre-programmed code of social cues. You try to find the deeper meaning behind stuff, and most people can't understand that. <br />
<br />
<br />
In conclusion: Although not top of the bell curve normal, you are NOT disabled

It must be difficult to watch human interaction inside a complex Rubik Cube shaped snow globe. Please be patience with yourself. You may develop a deeper understanding of humans if you discover a different medium. <br />
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There are incredible and brilliant Autistic inventors whose inventions made major contributions to human life, because they can relate to humans and other living things in a unique medium. It is their ability to ob<x>jectively analyze the world around them as they observe the world in wonder, that allows them to think creatively beyond the common. The mainstream human population have limitations in their analyzing skills since they follow a pre-programed preset when they view a situation.