What's Wrong?

 Im 14 and male, i think i am avoidant but im not totally sure. Right now my heartrate is increasing and im having trouble thinking out of fear that im gonna say something that'll offend someone or say something stupid that they'll make fun of me for. I havent seen another person aside from my parents for 2 months, i mean sure ill text someone but when it comesto talking in real life i have a real problem. I dont really open up much because im scared they'll reject me or criticize me. I know it sounds like i want pity, but i dont all i want is a friend. But it is just so scary to make them, i dont want to go out because im too scared of what others will think of me. When im alone in my room all day, i think of some other fantasy world that i have lots of friends, or sometimes even just 1 friend or girlfriend that totally understands and loves me. Even when people tell me they love me one day, like a day or two later ill be sitting alone...thinking of what they said, thinking its not true, they're just saying that to make me feel better or to lead me on. Its really confusing. I just wish i could talk to someone without being suspicious of what theireal motives are other than to just "hang out." Im really frightened that i have this disorder and i dont want to believe i do but the signs are all there. I confuse myself sometimes because of all the thoughts i have in my head, its insane and the worst part is, i often think that even if i had a best friend, or a girlfriend...they probably wouldn't care anyway...im so scared of being judged that i dont even make the effort but i want them so badly, its like having a two story house with you on the second floor, you've ordered a pizza and you heard the doorbell ring...you want the pizza really bad but your too lazy to get up. I need help, i need a friend, i need to know if i have this or not. Some people just tell me that i dont have a problem but i really dont believe them...there's so much more i want to say but i cant think right now, its all jumbled up there just waiting to be poured out but i cant bring myself to do it.
Sureok Sureok
13-15
2 Responses Jul 12, 2010

I know im a sweet guy, understanding, and all those things you said. I have these patterns of totally just isolating myself for weeks or months at a time. But then sometimes ill just be the most social person ive come to know. I dont understand it, its summer, which is usually when I isolate...but this time I didnt want to, everyone started ignoring me. Idk what to do anymore i just sit in bed all day thinking about how to fix this, how to make things better. People really dont get how sensitive I mean when I say "IM A SENSITIVE GUY" My feelings are hurt too easily and it sucks a lot.

Hey man,<br />
I sympathize with you completely. I had the same feeling growing up - it wasn't as harsh as yours but not that far away. I never really dealt with it properly, and today I regret it.<br />
So first of all - you are NOT alone. There are millions of kids, as well as adults, who feel the same as you, and experience the same hardships.<br />
You must understand this: your problems are obviously making your life difficult, they are getting in your way, and they definitely take a major role in your life. But you are NOT your problems, and your problems are NOT who you are. Somewhere beneath this there is a great, intelligent, articulate kid, just like all the other kids, who CAN have great friends who really love him. This kid is there, waiting to break free.<br />
I don't like giving out suggestions to people I don't know, but since I was (kind of) in your shoes, I will give you the best advice I can give: first - if you can, share this with your parents. I know it may be difficult, but they should know. They love you and care for you, and I'm sure they'll do everything they can to help you out and support you. They can help you beat this.<br />
Be honest with them and tell them everything you feel; again - if you can. I think this is worth the effort.<br />
Second - try and find professional help. Each person is different and what works for me may not be good for you, but you should look into Cognitive-Behavioral treatment. <br />
Third - and this is very important: start FORCING yourself to look at yourself a little more ob<x>jectively. Whenever one of these ideas (such as "people lie to me about liking me") come up in your head, ask yourself: Am I SURE that this is true? <br />
Is there another reasonable way to see this? - could I be wrong? Maybe even the OPPOSITE is true - maybe people do really like me? or maybe even "I lie to people about liking them"?<br />
And most importantly, ask yourself - what kind of life would I have, right now, if I didn't have this thought in my head?<br />
<br />
I wish you all the best. If there is anything I can help you with, you can contact me through my profile or message me, and I'll be happy to help.