It Feels Like A Lie

So.. my psychiatrist asked me to contact the ED clinic because all my paper work is final and I haven't heard of the clinic ever since I came there in person to give them papers my GP wrote for them.
It's been foor weeks ago   when I was there

I hesitated to call, because I know I would get these depressed feelings after the call.
Because....
I still feel I do not have an ED, I need to get over this wining thing about food and just get over it whatever I have because .. well, I'm not even that skinny !! I purge almost every day but WHO CARES.
At times I beat myself up because I feel I get proffesional help for nothing..
My weight now is between 85- en 95 pounds and I feel so totally bloated.
Don't get me wrong, my lenght is only 157 centimeters.

My psychiatrist is pushing me but I don't see the problem most of the time
When people push me to seek help, I sometimes strongly believe they are just trying to brainwash me

:(

Nuella Nuella
26-30, F
May 10, 2012