Scars, No Words

It's come to this, again. I had stopped cutting. I had learn to not rely on it. But something has been triggered in me. I speak with blood now, instead of words. The worst part, I feel so cold, so numb. I wish someone understood. How confused the mind gets when one is battling with self harm. I've been through this grind for the last 7 years and counting. At one point, I wanted to stop but now I'm not too sure. I've started lying to my parents and friends again. How can i possibly get help at this stage? How am I going to make it. The hopes and expectations crushed at finding someone who will understand. It hurts, it aches. It's all my fault. I hope to get through this night without making newer, fresher scars. It's getting harder and harder to resist. Harder and harder to disguise. I don't want to hurt them again.

They can't find out, they never should have.
Khaleesi18 Khaleesi18
18-21, F
3 Responses Dec 7, 2012

Dont give up! I feel your pain as im there myself. Sometimes it feels so easy, and you feel like you can just stop. But then its different and something triggers it and you get the urge again. You want to feel like you did before, you want to feel like you can resist. But it just feels so far away, you lost the feeling and it feels like there is no way of getting it back. Im here if you need to talk. You have to get to the old feeling of being able to do it, to stop, and maybe it will help to talk with someone who wont judge and who understands <3

I deal with the same thing. I've stopped cutting for about a month & a half now but I still have urges. Today my urges got so bad that I got really fidgety & I started scratching on my chest by my collar bone & I got all red. I had to fight so hard today because I was urges all day. I don't know how much longer I'm going to go before I give in because I have a feeling that I will. Don't lose hope

Somehow we have to maintain our strength, feel free to message me anytime to get through the urges. A helping hand most times makes a difference! :)

I know exactly what you mean. you're not alone I'm going through the same thing. And I'm not going to lie it is really really hard to deal with but there's still hope for u don't give up