Just One More Cut

My name is Samantha, I'm a cutter..... :( I've been a cutter since 3rd grade.... :( I'M 18 years old and still cutting today. I have cuts on my face, shoulders, thighs, both arms, both wrist, tummy, and neck. I have attempted suicide more then once but i always failed.

For me cutting is my out, it's the only thing I have that truly understands who I am and doesn't judge me. My razorblade is my only friend....everyone else left inculding family. I can't do anything right at school or work, I'm always being yelled at and being told how worthless I am.

I grew up with my dad, that's where my cutting started. My dad was never home during the day, and way to wasted or high at night to take care of me. I was very young and I had to take care of myself and my dad, i would make him food and wake him up and put him to bed......and if I screwed up anything he would hit me and call "stupid" and "good for nothing kid", I'd cry myself to sleep every night hoping someone would hear me.....no one ever did.....

I also saw my mom on the weekends.......it wasnt much better over there either. My mom was so depressed she would never leave the sofa.....so I'd cook her food and things like that. Her friends always picked me up and dropped me off at my dad's house.

My whole life I've been taking of people and making sure they are okay, but no one ever took care of me......no one was there to hold me when I cried or pick mme back up when i fell. My life was to just be that person with no name who took care of everything....

But I soon found something that understood me, yes, that silver shiny razorblade was an answer to my prayers. Finally something that took care of me.......I'd cut everyday and just watch the blood fall off my wrist. Everytime I'd cut I would say "This ones for you dad and that beer bottle you kiss. And for those drugs running through your veins. Another one for you mom, who didn't care enough to get up off the sofa let alone even talk to me."

Like i said before I still cut today, 10 years of cutting, yes I'll admit it doesn't solve your problems but it makes you feel better for a moment, that moment that you can take the time for yourself and be happy so you can feel alive becuase living your life you feel so dead.

Yes the scars or ugly, and unattractive but i show them proudly because the scars are my story to tell, to let people aware of not only my painful life but those of others, and so finally just maybe when they look upon my scars they can hear my cries.....

 

March 1st of every year is Self-Harm Awareness Day!

"Don't judge me by the scars on my arm, but help me throw away the blade."

 

Thank you for taking the time to read my story...........

soteroj23 soteroj23
18-21, F
9 Responses Feb 24, 2009

I feel your pain sweetheart. I feel it. I've been cutting since 4th grade and I'm a sophomore in college. It's an addiction that's so hard to stop. I write about it too. Stay Strong sweetie. Things do get better <3

my best friend is the razor blades, knives, scissors, sewing needles, shards of glass and other sharp objects i "collect" so i would never get rid of them..... :( :) :(

im sorry..... i dont know if you care what a little girl like me says.... noone ever does but i truely am sorry. i cut. have been for two and a half years now. i just hope for the same thing that someday someone will look at my scars and finally hear the story ive been screaming out at night. wish you luck!

I am so incredibly sorry with what you have to go through! i can't even imagine how hard it must be! <br />
i know that a lot of people say that it's best to talk about your feelings, so if you EVER EVER need anything or anyone to talk to i am ALWAYS here for you yes i know that i have no idea who you are but you are truly a very BRAVE and STRONG person <3 <br />
keep on staying strong, beautiful x

i started cutting when @11 yrs old.i love my scars though ppl will freak out when they see dem.they are so beautiful and great cos they are the onli ones that love and cares for mi.im forced to seek treatment but im nt goin to kill my best friend,razor blades.

"Im ashamed of my scars, i feel as if they show weakness..."<br />
harmony, i feel the same way. but once you get over your cutting, you will be proud of the strength you had to stop, and the scars will be your story. <br />
but to samantha the truth is you cant be proud of your scars while they still are showing your in so much pain.

"Im ashamed of my scars, i feel as if they show weakness..."<br />
harmony, i feel the same way. but once you get over your cutting, you will be proud of the strength you had to stop, and the scars will be your story. <br />
but to samantha the truth is you cant be proud of your scars while they still are showing your in so much pain.

Wow, 3 years old<br />
Thats so young<br />
I started SHing about 2 yrs ago...im 14 now<br />
Im ashamed of my scars, i feel as if they show weakness...<br />
I will definately remember march the first..<br />
I hope that you will some day get better, find another way out than cutting<br />
--Harmony

I call my razor blade my friend too..I have been cutting since I was 13...I will be 30 next year.<br />
<br />
"Yes the scars or ugly, and unattractive but i show them proudly because the scars are my story to tell, to let people aware of not only my painful life but those of others, and so finally just maybe when they look upon my scars they can hear my cries"<br />
<br />
I feel the exact same way as you do. (hugs)