At first I didn't know what was happening, I just felt sad. Everyday i would wake up slightly damp from my tears the night previous. Getting out of bed took all the effort I had to offer. Mundane tasks became impossible--and yet somehow no one in my life noticed.

I was 11--almost 12, in my last year of primary school, when I discovered the term "depression". I took multiple quizzes online in my allotted internet time--each one telling me that I should seek medical help immediately.

My marks were dropping, I cried all the time, I began separating myself from my classmates, and yet still no one noticed.

My mother noticed my dropping grades of course--but the punishments given to me only worsened my depression, resulting in a feeling of absolute solitude.

The next year, I began Jr. High. Lockers lined the hallways, you were suddenly able to walk yourself between classrooms, and the social hierarchy had never been so pronounced.

I went to a very affluent Jr. High--filled with snobby white children who populated the "cool-kid" table in the cafeteria. Girls would wake up at 7, two hours before school just to wear a full face of make-up, and boys would show up to school early to spend their morning at the fitness centre.

In 7th grade I learned what cutting was, and so one night after having a breakdown after a fight with my mum, I cut.Cutting became my all-purpose solution. I had scars all down my forearms, stomach, and thighs. Little things set me off, and I felt more alone then ever. There was only one person who knew what I was going through, my best friend at the time.

Jumping forward to 9th grade, this best friend of mine told the whole school that I cut, and made up rumours such as "she slept with my boyfriend". Up until this point, I had only faced real life bullies--and I had no idea what cyber bullying was. Suddenly all the people from my school got my number, and began texting me.

"You should kill yourself"

"You ugly piece of ****, just die already."

"No one would miss you anyways."

There were hundreds more just like it. Every single day I would receive these texts. I would cry, take a blade to my skin, and tell myself that they were wrong...That is of course until the day I started thinking they were right.

I attempted suicide on October 18, 2011 at the age of 14.

3 years ago, if you asked my what the worst day of my life was I would have told you waking up in the hospital, with my mum crying over me. More than anything in the world I wished I would have succeeded.

But today, after being diagnosed with depression, I would tell you my worst day was in fact the first day I started to feel sad. I can't imagine how much different my life would have been life if I didn't have to face it alone.

I still have urges to cut. I still cry, and worry over things that don't matter. I'm still not better. But I'm living, and I am proud of that. My heart goes out to all of you who struggle with the problems that you face, but please if you take anything from my little story, remember that you are not alone. You are strong, and beautiful, and unique. The world needs you.
yourfriendlycanadian yourfriendlycanadian
18-21, F
7 Responses Aug 20, 2014

bravo keep the positive thinking, up - you will make a difference in this world- and this article will help someone make it through the day

Oh my dear, please hand in there and remember your own two last sentences - you ARE strong and beautiful and unique, and yes the world DOES need you!!!

Your stories touch me, truly. I think you're strong for opening up the way you do.

Thank you for sharing and stay strong.. You aren't alone, you Ep friends are here for you.. You talk(write) and we listen ( leave ❤️ & comments) and let you know you're not alone. We aren't perfect but we are here..

Well said, Jay, and I agree!

Thank you for sharing your story and your amazing and inspiring words. I needed to hear that

You are amazing