Happy About My Achievements
I was diagnosed with social phobia a few months ago, I knew there was something "different" about me, but I couldn't name it, so I just guessed: hey, this is my personality, and I continued living with S/A, I didn't like to go out, or leave home, even when I started the university, I was always "too busy"... Not true! I was too afraid of going out (now I know I was afraid) before, it felt like being unconfortable. I dont know, it's hard to explain. I wouldnt pick up the phone... You never know who's calling and what they might think of you. I always managed to scape public speaking, I sitted on the last table of a restaurant, I used to eat, worried about what the other person might be thinking about me. I hated metting new people, I wouldn´t order for myself at a restaurant, someone else had to do it. I wore my brothers clothes just so I wouldn't have to go out and try some on, interacting with people. Even worse: facing the mall, OMG such a crowded place! So many people.
I've been in teraphy for about 2 months, and I can say that I'm someone else. I'm starting to discover who I really am ,what I'm capable of, and that most of the time people are nice and friendly. You just have to ignore the other ones. Now I pick up the phone, make phone calls, I looove shopping and malls! I love going out with my friends to eat and I don't have to worry about the table we sit on anymore. I stopped having panic attacks, and life seems so easy and beautiful, I feel I can do anything I want, because I'm not "chained" anymore, I'm free, I feel free, and so happy.
I've been bullyied since I can remember, I thought it would stop at university, but it didn't. I'm in med school, and there are 2 girls that always try to make me look dumb, and tell me: everyone is talking about you, did you see how those people were looking at you? They told me all kinds of lies, and I felt bad, very bad. Now I know all those things are not true and unfortunately for one of them I recorded her while she was telling me all this stuff. I shew this material to my terapist and he adviced to show it to my coordinator. I did and nothing has happened yet. To be honest at the start, I wished very bad things for her, now that feeling has changed, I feel pity for her, because when you harm someone just because you can, you are sicker that then person you are hurting. I dont want anything bad for her, I just want her to stop bothering me and other people. Next time she'll try to do something against me, I'll stand for myself.
Well, this is what I have to share for now, I encourage everyone with S/A to get help, you dont need to live with this. There's a wonderful person under that shell, so take the chance to be happy, a better you! Life without S/A is a tango, as my terapist says.