You Can Do It Too

for most of my life i thought i was stuck with it. when i was younger, i could not even imagine doing the things that i do now.
i also thought that i was broken and had no idea that anyone ever felt the way i did. it was a terrible secret and i worked so hard to fade into the wallpaper. 
when i was a kid, i would never make eye contact and when i talked, i covered my mouth because i was embarrassed of my teeth. i forgot all about that until i met a kid who also does it. i knew the answers at school but NEVER raised my hand. i was terrified of people and began to go down the social phobia path. i had quit high school. but there were things that i really wanted to do. i really wanted to go to college. then i really wanted to go to grad school. and i decided that these things were important enough that i would just deal with whatever terrors awaited me. and i wont lie. some did. i still remember so many embarrassing moments. they were painful, but i survived. i didnt die.
i came to realize that the problem and the terror is inside me. it isnt out there in the world. it isnt inside of other people. i made my own hell. slowly, i started taking risks. im not completely over it, but  i can do a lot of things that most people can. there are some things that i still dont like, but i can fake it when i have to.
it really took me until well into my 30's to really start making the change. i wish i had done it so much sooner.
kittten kittten
46-50, F
5 Responses Jan 26, 2008

That is so cool.. Where dd you get support during that period, or what kept you going..? It is really hard to do social things for me, and most of the times I give up just for that. Nobody expects me to do anything.

good going kitten, unless your socially anxious its hard to understand how difficult it is to change.

Wow.. Congrats!! Its very inspirational! I also suffer from Social anxiety disorder. I'm really not a shy person, I just have fear of being put on the spot (and subsequently intense blushing) either at work or in school. I had dreams of going to college and I'm now in grad school. I still suffer quite a bit from SAD but I'm doing what I can as well to overcome it. Its not easy. But, I think your right, it is a hell inside our own heads. Wish I could fully overcome it, if only I could relax in social situations, especially ones at school it would really help so much.

jeez, well thanks. i really think that if i can do it, anyone can

Well done for doing it at all, it takes a lot of strength and if we fake it often enough it becomes reality. I hope, lol. <br />
Power to you x