I Am Beating Social Anxiety
It all began when I was born...
Well, that's a long story, and I'll cut that part short and say I'm a socially awkward schizoid who has usually been incapable of relating to other people or understanding ordinary things as a child, and learned my social skills and learned about the world of human beings by brute force.
Fast forward 26 years from my birth and you find a person who has had friends here and there, a few permanent ones from school and a few permanent ones from the internet, but generally never got out of the house on the weekend and went straight home after work to waste time on the computer.
Except instead of enjoying it, I found that I was starting to be highly dissatisfied with my lack of a social life.
Fast forward a tiny bit more and I'm sitting at the bus stop after work, ready to go home as usual. Two girls almost sat by me, then moved to sit somewhere else, and I called them on that (thinking they just didn't want to sit next to me). One took it as a challenge and sat right next to me and here I've made a friend.
Then she (Friend A) invited me out to a little social gathering she'd organized (Party A) and I ended up meeting another new friend there (Friend B). We got along quite well and made much conversation.
That day I think I came home to Chinese food... And a fortune cookie that said "You will be showered with good luck before your birthday." My birthday was only a couple months away, but I thought holy crap, this fortune cookie is onto something!
I still have that fortune pinned to my wall, and my birthday is yet to come, but I know I've had some good luck already making two new friends who I could relate to. I thought I was too weird to find friends I could relate to! My entire view on life has changed dramatically. Awesome fortune cookie.
Fast forward to yesterday and I'm dragged along to another get together of sorts, a different one with a different circle (Party B). Mostly everybody was new to me (except a few friends of Friend B I'd met already), and there were a good deal of people there. Over 10, less than 15.
At one point I had a panic attack, which I've never had! I was freaking out inside and couldn't hardly make words come out.
Wheeee that was interesting. :P Not fun, but really interesting feeling in retrospect. Very exhilarating but not too enjoyable, like almost being hit by a car.
Well, I was still a little tweaky when we spread out a bit, and I was contemplating leaving, but I refused to. :P I knew in my head that if I left early before gaining any ground on my anxiety, I would be forever afraid to socialize.
So I stayed a while longer! And I got over it. :) I felt better. I talked to a few of the people who were new to me. I tried my best to make conversation occasionally. And whenever I was a little uncomfortable I'd lay back, close my eyes, and try to meditate.
When I left and said goodbye to everyone, I got the most heartwarming jumble of see ya laters I have ever had. :) I felt accepted, despite my awkwardness.
And today, I went to the second event of Party A. Different people showed up, and I met someone who is in charge of some medieval martial arts lessons which I intend to get into. This should be a blast!
I also recently signed up for guitar lessons too. I feel I need to do something with my life so here I am.
In the span of less than a couple months, I've made 2 solid friends and acquainted myself with several friends of those friends. I've also signed myself up for lessons of two things that would interest me, especially the medieval thing...
I'm getting out of my shell. My new friends used to be introverted like me but somehow they transformed. I believe I can too, and so I'm going for the gusto! And I feel like I'm really making some huge progress. :)
And since everybody knows I'm socially awkward, I'm still allowed to take my little moments of solitude. It's my right as a socially awkward person. :P They expect it!
Well, that's a long story, and I'll cut that part short and say I'm a socially awkward schizoid who has usually been incapable of relating to other people or understanding ordinary things as a child, and learned my social skills and learned about the world of human beings by brute force.
Fast forward 26 years from my birth and you find a person who has had friends here and there, a few permanent ones from school and a few permanent ones from the internet, but generally never got out of the house on the weekend and went straight home after work to waste time on the computer.
Except instead of enjoying it, I found that I was starting to be highly dissatisfied with my lack of a social life.
Fast forward a tiny bit more and I'm sitting at the bus stop after work, ready to go home as usual. Two girls almost sat by me, then moved to sit somewhere else, and I called them on that (thinking they just didn't want to sit next to me). One took it as a challenge and sat right next to me and here I've made a friend.
Then she (Friend A) invited me out to a little social gathering she'd organized (Party A) and I ended up meeting another new friend there (Friend B). We got along quite well and made much conversation.
That day I think I came home to Chinese food... And a fortune cookie that said "You will be showered with good luck before your birthday." My birthday was only a couple months away, but I thought holy crap, this fortune cookie is onto something!
I still have that fortune pinned to my wall, and my birthday is yet to come, but I know I've had some good luck already making two new friends who I could relate to. I thought I was too weird to find friends I could relate to! My entire view on life has changed dramatically. Awesome fortune cookie.
Fast forward to yesterday and I'm dragged along to another get together of sorts, a different one with a different circle (Party B). Mostly everybody was new to me (except a few friends of Friend B I'd met already), and there were a good deal of people there. Over 10, less than 15.
At one point I had a panic attack, which I've never had! I was freaking out inside and couldn't hardly make words come out.
Wheeee that was interesting. :P Not fun, but really interesting feeling in retrospect. Very exhilarating but not too enjoyable, like almost being hit by a car.
Well, I was still a little tweaky when we spread out a bit, and I was contemplating leaving, but I refused to. :P I knew in my head that if I left early before gaining any ground on my anxiety, I would be forever afraid to socialize.
So I stayed a while longer! And I got over it. :) I felt better. I talked to a few of the people who were new to me. I tried my best to make conversation occasionally. And whenever I was a little uncomfortable I'd lay back, close my eyes, and try to meditate.
When I left and said goodbye to everyone, I got the most heartwarming jumble of see ya laters I have ever had. :) I felt accepted, despite my awkwardness.
And today, I went to the second event of Party A. Different people showed up, and I met someone who is in charge of some medieval martial arts lessons which I intend to get into. This should be a blast!
I also recently signed up for guitar lessons too. I feel I need to do something with my life so here I am.
In the span of less than a couple months, I've made 2 solid friends and acquainted myself with several friends of those friends. I've also signed myself up for lessons of two things that would interest me, especially the medieval thing...
I'm getting out of my shell. My new friends used to be introverted like me but somehow they transformed. I believe I can too, and so I'm going for the gusto! And I feel like I'm really making some huge progress. :)
And since everybody knows I'm socially awkward, I'm still allowed to take my little moments of solitude. It's my right as a socially awkward person. :P They expect it!
By:
ChesterBSchizoid
Age:
26-30
