The Beginning Off A New Hell

I can barely get myself to eat and i seriously need it cause i'm really sick....I can not get anorexic while i'm sick like this..I will kill myself by doing that, and i know it so SO SOOO well but i can't help it...

Everytime i try to eat something the voice in my head will refuse me to eat it, it will make me steare at my self, bloweing me up to the fatest girl in the world telling me i can't eat it, if i eat it i'll just get bigger and even more discutsting then now...If i still try to forse myself to eat and actually manage to get some food in my body, i'll feel myself groweing bigger and fatter the minute i swollow it... After a while i'll throw it up cause i just can't handle it
Even though i don't eat all day i still feel discusting and overly fat and it'll start to bother me more and more and more...By the end off the day i'll throw up again cause i just can't take it

The only time i feel "good" is when i feel so hungry it feels like my whole stomach is shrinking into nothing...

The hardest part is that i know i have to eat, i know it's not good for me, i know i'll ruined me, i know it's not the way to lose weight and ALL that, but i just can't help it...
littlebirdG littlebirdG
18-21, F
1 Response Sep 19, 2012

:/ don't do that to yourself..

Im sorry:/

Iche sei unnskyld.. Det e jo iche meg det går utøve, det e deg, og det e drid. Prøve du jaffall å få hjelp? Kjenne eg deg rett, gjør du vel iche det, men eg må spør ligavel.

Nei eg har ikkje søkt hjelp men eg e ikkje skadelig tynn eller i nærheten av tynn endå så det e ingen fare

For det fussta så ser du iche det sjøl sånn di egentlig e, det trur eg aldri du har gjort.. Jeeez, kor mange ganger har eg iche prøvd å fortella deg at du e skamfine :) For det andra så går det bare nerøve herfra hvis du fortsette, og det vett du.

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