I Didn't Promise Myself To Be This Way

I'm a naturally shy person ever since birth, but I had a happy childhood due to my huge imagination and overflowing creativity. I have a love for motivational stories and wanted to be a psychologist someday. I used to be happy, really bright, loud and sunny, and friendly too. But as I grow older, and as I recieve more and more criticism, I slowly descend from being a happy little girl to a silent, reserved introvert. No wonder why I changed from being an ENFP to an ISPF in that Jung-thingy personality basis. Now I'm 13 and it's totally becoming worst. I have lost, like most of my friends and I only have 3 people left. I'm bullied in school, but at even at such a young age, I read inspirational and motivational books and swore to myself that no matter how much difficulty life has to give to me, I will remain strong and sturdy just like a tree amidst a storm.

Slowly, those bullies caused me to become cold-hearted, and it's driving me insane. I wanted to make friends again, to be happy again... But all I'm now is a cold-hearted, lonely young teen. I never knew I could be this way. I thought my promise would hold me strongly up high but the pressure is too much. Everyone hates me and laughs at me. I badly want to stop schooling and just be in my room forever glued to my laptop. I don't know but can someone help me be warm-hearted again? This isn't what I dreamt, what I hoped and what I prayed for, but how can I help it when it is the world that is pushing me down, freezing my heart day by day. I think the reason why I'm like this is on the day when I declared that my life motto would be 'haters gonna hate'. The song I love to sing these days is Bon Jovi's song called It's my life.

I have become a rebellious, cold-hearted teen. How can I break free from this curse?
And sorry for the lengthy post. I'm known in my school as a writer, and everyone in where I am don't seem to appreciate people of my talent. They turn to singers, dancers, people with pretty faces and popular individuals. This also adds to my sadness.

Okay so I should really stop beating around the bush now, or else this post will be longer.
TheLarrien TheLarrien
1 Response Jan 21, 2013

U cant stay cold heart very long because thats not you and your soul. Please just be you but be smart. Anyone who pressure you or makes you uncomfortable but you allow them because u want to fit in. Be firm and say no in nice way. If you allow them to do that to you. Things wil get worse and get the habit of people taking advantage of you. I allowed it because i wanted to fit in. You are just 13 years old and its a good age to get some support. You wil love it. Have a postive healthy life. You will love your life if you just be you and try different things. Grunges are like cancer. Will u let me give you website to particapte fun stuff? Keep your heart soft and stay funny!