On Becoming....who I Want To Be

Life is so odd. When I was young and sexy with dewy skin and wide eyed innocent trust....I was pretty dumb. I lived not so much "in the moment" as I did "on top of the moment" skimming the top, constantly on the look out for something to distract my attentions, something with more shine, something that twinkled and sparkled with nonsense and foolery. In my half witted glory, I was oblivious to things like sunsets and soft dawns, great literature and courageous human kindness. Sunsets were for primping, and dawns were for sleeping. I looked head on in the mirror and purred at myself, sure that I would never change.....
Well I am past fifty years old now and I have changed, inside and out. I'm still given to magical thinking and the unusual, temporary distractions of life, but, the whole of my life is richer, riper, deeper, and more thoughtful. I am more impressed with others, and far less impressed with myself, more eager to savor what is real and good in people that are nothing like myself. My mind is hungry to learn~~ for I know I have much to learn. I once thought I knew it all, now, I realize I know so much less than I want to know and far too much about sorrow and disappointment which work together to make me appreciate joy and contentment of each drama free moment. Sunsets and dawns are times of reflection and gratitude for me now. I notice "soulful" hunger in other people, as much as I feel it in myself. My compassion has grown, my empathy has matured. I talk to my beloved, hard earned, wrinkles and silver hair with respect (I no longer purr at myself) I realize more and more that I have created this life, these bonds, this world in which I dwell. I am it's author, it's artist. My heartfelt goals are to be better, wiser, kinder, more loving, more open. I am becoming who I want to be.
hillbillycrone hillbillycrone
56-60, F
6 Responses Jul 28, 2011

Oh my sweet sis...thank you bunches for reading and thank you for being so kind, you are such a wonderful sis...dancing...twirling....HUGS And Love!

Great story. I'm in my thirties now, but I feel I could write a similar story myself. I've changed so much since I was a teenager. Different things are important, different people attract my attention. I like myself more now! And, just like you, I always notice this 'soulful hunger' in people. Beautifully expressed :)

Wow..that's deep. I am only 27, and I feel that way everyday. Life is something. Through all of my experiences, my eyes have been opened. And the more I go through life, the more I've come to understand, appreciate, and accept things. I love to hear a person reach such a beautiful point in their lives. Change is supreme.

Thank you so much for telling me that you read and enjoyed my post....you sound like an old soul.....Blessings to you!

I would love to meet you! You say such kind things. I thank you so much:-)

This is such a thoughtful authentic story.<br />
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Really enjoyed reading it.

I enjoyed reading this! I like the subtle way you explained change in your life and the examples you gave about sunrises and sunsets.

Well I thank you for reading and I am so happy you enjoyed this post, I appreciate your time and attention to my post. Blessings!