Emotional Abuse

Recently I started delving more into9 my childhood experience. Even as a child I knew emotional abuse was worst than the physical abuse. it hurt more. It seeped inside and never let go of me. My mother believed I was evil or at least that was her reasons for what she did. She kept me isolated from my peers. When i would make friends my own age she would manage to talked the parents into believing something horrible about me so they would forbid their children from playing with me. This was in additions to beating me with her fists. Constantly punishing me for things that I was not to blame for. If one of my siblings did something wrong I got punished. There was always the put downs the calling of names being told I was going to be a ***** when I grew up. Later I married a jerk who continue with the emotional abuse. Belittling me degrading me then all the other things he did. This is what we do we hook up with those who believed the same things as we do about ourselves. For this reason I am fearful of getting into another relationship afraid i would married someone worst than my ex. I am wondering if that is even possible. I knwo0 the lies my mother told me and others were just that lies./ So I am fighting for me because no0one else will If I dont. Part of me is so sad when it is hard , it becomes easy to say it is all because of who I am like I have no control but I do. The thing about emotional abuse is this , it is separate than sexual and physical abuse but noone survives sexual and physical abuse without emotional abuse. I start to inflict pain on myself as a child because I believed that physical abuse is not as hurtful . Well to me Physical abuse is not as hurtful as emotional abuse. No I do not inflict violence against myself. I had not done those things in a very long time. Recently I sat in on someone talking about the self inflicted violence., I remember the emotional abuse. The feeling of not being able to play with my siblings let alone other children. The despaired of my mother never loving me or finding anything good in me. I started this journey into my past to rid myself of all the gunk that build up from the past emotional abuse. I lost so much of myself over the time that I will never get back but at least for now I am working on taking the garbage out of me that was left there from those who emotional abuse me. i WROTE A POEM ABOUT MY LATEST EXCURSIONS.....
Weary111soul Weary111soul
46-50, F
1 Response May 15, 2012

@ Weary111soul!<br />
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Hi!<br />
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I'm so happy for you that you are doing the necessary things to overcome your childhood trama! Keep up the self help work. I know it will pay off.!<br />
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Its' not an easy work overcoming abuse of any kind; however it can be accomplished. I was a victim of mental and emotional abuse and I realize how deeply it can effect a person mentally and emotionally.<br />
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It is very hurtful and painful; especially when the person is very young and doesn't have the cognitive development to understand and protect themselves.<br />
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I lived with shame, low self esteem and depression for many years as a result of emotional and mental abuse and it took years of working on myself to overcome it all.<br />
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I'd like to share with you some of the things that helped me to overcome.<br />
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First I had to pray for strength and courage to be raised up, because I didn't have the strenghth to rise above the weight of depression and emotional damage. I literally poured my hurt out to a higher power whom I call God for help.<br />
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Over the years, I've learned to protect myself against other peoples abusive words and actions.<br />
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It's so easy to play into other peoples words that they convey toward us; especially if the hearer has low self esteem; lack of confidence in themselves and lack of courage; <br />
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because for some reason the hearer believes them; and on top of believing the words, it doesn't feel good when another human being degrades you or puts you down;<br />
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It's natural to feel emotionally sad when other human beings hurt you, because its inhumane.<br />
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I've had to learn to realize that what other people say about me is their thoughts and feelings not mine; and I don't allow the words they speak to draw me in; and I convey that to them.<br />
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Words judge and condem and when they do, they can trigger anger, hate, sadness, etc.<br />
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If the words are true then I try to change things about myself however when they aren't I rebuke them and adamently say to myself positive feedback. I'll say: that's not who I am and I won't let other peoples words be nor become a self fulfilling prophesy for me.<br />
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I know myself to be who I know myself to be. So , Im going to push beyound those words and move on with my self and life.<br />
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I realize that negativity and hurtful words that people speak towards us don't come from God; they come from and adversary; someone that is against us for what ever reason.<br />
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When I recognize that hurt, harm , judgemental and condeming words aren't coming from anything good, it helps me to combat that enemy and I fight it with pray, positive declarations , courage and strength; it works and it helps tremendously.<br />
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A person can tell me all day long that I'm this or that, etc. and I'll come back with : those are your beliefs and feelings about me; however they aren't me.<br />
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I experience a situation yesterday where a person constanlty judge and condemed me for who I am. It was so hurtful and painful and yes I felt very emotional about it; but I said , Im going to rise above these emotions , push forward and move on. I refuse to let another person feelings and emotions regarding me bring me down.<br />
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Granted some of the things were true. I know myself well and I have faults that can be improved upon; however, I won't let the truth of my faults keep me in a dark place or keep me depressed or emotionally crippled. <br />
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I look at what was said, work on the fault and move on. <br />
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Emotion has no power over a human being other than the power that a human being gives it and I refuse to let emotion have any power over me when it is negative, depresssing and debilitating. I combat it with positive emotion/thought. I rebuke negative emotion and cast it away from me and replace it with something positive.<br />
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I hope this in some way helps you to become stronger in your fight. I pray that you will be provided with strength ,courage and all that you need to overcome your inner inharmony; negative weights! May you be lifted! <br />
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Peace unto you! Amen!