Im Bi Polar and Proud of It

When i was finally diagnosed with Bi Polar disorder, i had practically lived my whole life up to that point with fits and outbursts of rage, depression, and my fave symptom elation.  There was nothing like the elation i would experience.  It was being absolutely happy for no reason and nothing could get me down. 

But the downside to being Bi Polar was the extreme depression (which i didnt really get a lot of, but enough of it to know i hated it) and extreme rage.  My rage would appear mostly in the form of a defence mechanism.  I would only experience it when others would try to hurt me either by words or actions, or when in defense of my little sister.  I cant count the people ive overly hurt because my rage would become so great.  I can say that i have never lost a fight, but when i think of some of the people i have hurt, it pains me, sometimes.  When my Bi Polar symtoms are in check, i am usually a peaceful person.  

After i was diagnosed, and told my family and friends, i lost most of my friends - more like all but 2, and even some of my family didnt want to see me anymore.  I actually became ashamed of being Bi Polar.  Go figure.  People treated me like i was a leper.

But now, i see Bi Polar in me as a strength.  Surely that rage still comes out when i feel threatened.  I even get a kick out of how some people would try to "take me there" and would actually be surprised that it was i who was "taking them there".  Most people see me as a "goody two shoes", lol.  Its okay.  Besides, growing up Bi Polar really saved me as a kid (in every school and every grade i would go to, i was always the smallest and youngest student - the perfect type for bullies, but those bullies always got my rage shoved directly down their throats).

Although i dont have a lot of people in my life, i do have quite a few family members and a couple friends who care for me and support me.  Bi Polar isnt the worse thing in the world to be, it's not like im a murderer or a biggot. 

But the reason i am proud of being Bi Polar, is that it  makes me a better skip tracer than i would be if i wasnt Bi Polar.  Being Bi Polar keeps me thinking outside of the box.  It helps me be just a little more intune with my surroundings also.  Because of being Bi Polar, ive learned so many things and have been to so many different places.  Normal S wouldnt just get up and go, but Bi Polar Simmone would always try new things.  I took so many different classes from the University of Life.  I love being me and since apart of me is being Bi Polar, i love that part of me too.

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3 Responses Jan 11, 2009

I love that you found the good in this. I have learned so much from EP about how different people respond to their diagnosis. Some are in total denial, some reject all meds, some like me feel burned out. But I've never read anything so encouraging as this. Thanks for the story.

Thanks for sharing. I've been recently treated and dealing with my bi-polar. I sure could use some friends like you who understand.

I love your perspective. Thank you.