I'm Bi-curious..not Sure Of The Next Step

I am 20 years old and for the past 2 years I have realized that I am really attracted to women. It came as a shock to me because it seemed to come out of nowhere. This is the first time that I'm actually expressing how I feel about this and it seems a bit weird but necessary. No one knows about this not even my best friend. I don't think anyone around me would understand so I feel like I have no where to turn. I have never actually kissed a women or anything like that but it's not to say that I wouldn't. I've dated men in the past and it has been great so I'm a bit confused as to where the attraction to women came from.  So I'm at the point now where I don't know if I should act on it or not, almost everyday I ask myself this and can never figure out an answer. What makes it even worse is that I am religious and obviously I feel that I shouldn't be having these thoughts at all. I think my main issue is that i feel that if I were to kiss a woman i would like it and would like to pursue things further and that scares me. But on the other hand i would hate to go through life not really knowing. I dunno, I may be over analyzing the situation which I constantly seem to do. At this point there are just so many thoughts and emotions running through my head all the time and it drives me crazy; it's like my body wants to do it but my mind wont let me.  I don't even know where to start in terms of meeting people. So as you can see I am quite confused. On a last note, it feels good to get that off my chest, thanks to everyone who reads this and any advice would be greatly appreciated :)

candiigirl candiigirl
22-25, F
13 Responses May 27, 2010

@blushirt Thanks for sharing your story!<br />
I too feel that my attraction goes beyond the physical, sometimes I feel that I could actually have a real relationship with a woman.<br />
I just haven't found her yet, hopefully soon.

Candii~<br />
I know how hard it is to share with someone else. My husband always asked if I might be interested ---I don't know if he sensed it or, like most guys was interested in a 3some w/ me and another woman. I was able to get away with making general comments like, "Of course I think women are beautiful, and I bet their skin is much softer…." to keep the option open in case he pursues it---but I'd really only want to be w/ a woman alone.<br />
What I did that made it happen was start personal relationships w/ friends on a fitness forum/board that I'd been on for some time. I still could speak anonymously when the relationships grew deeper as we talked, and eventually made comments like, "If my husband doesn't change I'm going to have to switch to women…" lame, I know, but merely testing the waters. They BOTH indicated that they, too were interested, and one had already had a relationship w/ a woman previously. <br />
<br />
I wish I had a happy ending for you… Well, it was a happy ending at the time…. ; ) but after meeting, although I had sex with each of them (separately, of course) I truly wasn't attracted to either of them. <br />
<br />
My interest is not only physical, but as w/ most women, in my MIND as well……. I must be intrigued and turned on mentally too! I am just as committed to finding my female love….. and until then… <br />
I am able to speak openly w/ like -minded friends here on EP…and it helps… a little~~~<br />
<br />
Good luck… <br />

It seem to me that it should be hard for anyone to not be attracted to a beautiful woman.

Yea I don't think my friends would understand, they would probably think I want to hit on them or something. Have you met any women yet?

u r completely same like me,,no one knows this,,but i like woman,,not even my best friend knows this,,,

No I live in Canada

Are you girls in Australia?

@ 9lostlyrics9 Thanks but trust me it it took a while for me to get to that stage. I paused a lot when I was typing it because I didnt know if I really wanted post it and that's just the short version lol. It definitely took a while and I'm sure you'll get there soon, like you said it's hard to talk about but its also good to let it out somehow because keeping it inside isn't healthy. I found this site randomly a few weeks ago and i'm glad I did because I felt like I needed some sort of outlet since I don't feel comfortable discussing it with people around me. Who more could understand than the people who know where you're coming from and won't judge you? What you said at the end is so true but it is easier said than done as you may know lol! I want to take the chance but there is always some doubt in my mind which always stops me from taking that initial step, but it is literally on my mind everyday. It is really good to know that I'm not the only one struggling with these feelings and there are people out there (like you!) who know EXACTLY what I'm going through. Thank you for your post.

I'm 20 too. I wasn't even brave enough to post a story like you, so..points for you! Haha..it's really tough to talk about, to seek support, or even to think about sometimes- this whole curiosity thing. We're young and we should be free to "experiment", but for some the concept is hard to grasp and come to reality with - more than people think. It's crazy scary, I get it. I've never acted on any of my imulse thoughts either, and not one soul knows my dilemma as well. I've had a few relationships with guys- I'm not so good at relationships- but its just so much easier to relate to women. I just gravitate toward them, although I'm still attracted to men. So I'm kind of in the same boat, if it makes you feel any better! Putting our own fears aside about trying something so new and not always "accepted" by others....screw them. If you think you feel something, or even if it's just an inkling of a thought that keeps reoccuring, then why not take a chance. Maybe it'll really help you figure out who you are and what you want, in terms of relations with guys/girls. I should take my own advice haha..

@ kevin5050 There are most likely agay/bi centres in my area but i dunno if i'm ready to share this with other people right now. The thought is a bit overwhelming for me. Sharing it on this site alone was a big step for me. I do know that talking to someone who is a part of an association like that is the only choice i have right? Thanks for your response.<br />
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@ bobbygirdler Thank you for sharing you're story, I know it took a lot of courage. Clearly you're story is very similar to mine, it's a bit of a relief that there is someone else out there that are battling with the same feelings I am. I too battle with them everyday and it's becoming more of an annoyance than anything. I don't have any problems getting guys either so i dunno where this is stemming from. I try to think back to my childhood to see if there's anything i can remember that would explain all this and i really can't. And in my future i see a husband and kids. Also, all those questions that you ask i ask myself. I would like to try being with a woman but what if I want to do it again? Is it worth the risk? I do agree tha a lot more people feel comfortable expressing their bi curiousity now than ever before. Like me, I think you are over analyzing. Sometimes you gotta just do it, for me, if the opportunity presented itself I would but it's the initial step that's freakin me out *sigh* This is where my head is at all the time. The good thing is you can express how you feel here without anyone judging you, it definately not good to keep everything bottled up inside. Thanks again for your post.

Im in the exact same boat.. I've never expressed these feelings either. <br />
So here's my story and I relate to you alot!<br />
I'm a typical country bloke and do all the stereotypical male stuff - I love to play footy and all sorts of sport, love to have a beer with me mates, pick up girls, keep fit etc. So it stuns me as to where I get these attractions from and why? Ive put it down to this: I have 3 older brothers and one of them is gay and i've heard him say that its a heredity thing. So I guess its in my blood? And I just have to deal with it. <br />
There's no way in the world i'd ever tell my mates or my brothers. <br />
I don't even want these feelings. I battle with it everyday and it sort of makes me depressed. Ive never done anything with a man before . Ive webcammed with random fellas off the internet before but thats about as far as its gotten and I've had multiple 3somes but I've never touched the other bloke, the attention was always on the girl and the other fella was always one of my mates so I didn't even think about trying something so that doesnt count.<br />
I've definatley fantasized about being with a bloke and it wont go away.<br />
Ive had a girlfriend on and off for the past 3 years and the sex is great. So why do I keep getting these thoughts and feelings?<br />
Not to seem full of myself but I don't have any trouble picking up girls when I'm out at a club, and its one of the ultimate reasons I do go out on weekends!<br />
I always see my future as having a wife and kids so I'm definately not gay nor does my personality fit the whole gay scene.<br />
I don't know whether to approach another guy and just have the experience over and done with so I can tick it off my list or not. Maybe i should try it once and hopefully the feelings and urges will surrender? I don't want to like it. I'd try anything once but I'd be too worried I might do it again. I want a proper relationship with a woman. I'd just see it as a bit of fun and a life experience. Bi-curiousity seems as though its becoming more socially accepted but I just don't know if i should act on it or not... I try and talk to other blokes on the net but its very rare to come across other bi men. All the gay guys want to do is try and get me to sleep with them and make them my first experience, they cant even have a decent conversation. <br />
Hmmm, what to do?

mmmm - perhaps you are over analyzing. Best to get it over with and try it - it may be just a kink at this stage that once tried is forgotten about. Or it may be an essential part of you that can upset your whole life if you keep denying it. Are there any gay/bi clubs or associations locally where you could go and meet others who feel or who felt the same? It always helps to talk and share.

I'm bi curious 2 dear