Reflection

This short time on EP has been incredible and I've learned so much about my self. In fact there are many things that come to me and come out of me that must have been recessed or suppressed deep in the darkest parts of my soul for so long that I wasn't even aware of the extent and pure emotional power of some of them until they made themselves known.

I was raised in the strictest of households where certain things were never spoken of. So it's not much of a surprise that I ended up, whether out of fear or shame, pushing these things back in my mind. Am I straight? Am I gay? Am i bi?

Thought of this story just today. As I said, exploring my sexuality when I've had no one I could trust that I could talk with has caused my mind to be in "light speed".

Not exactly sure of precise age but know I was in the 7-9 grade area cause I wasn't driving yet. I was a fairly good local tennis player and 3 of the older high school guys asked if I might join them to make a foursome on the tennis court that night. It was late and the small town Country Club was easily accessible and readily available not getting a lot of late night play. I was honored to be asked by the bigger guys.

We had a great match and as things concluded, the older guys said; "Lets go jump in the pool," which was right by the courts. Well, it was dark and well after hours so I could see that as a possibility only I wasn't told that was on the agenda and wasn't prepared. At least I didn't think I was. The guys began stripping. To nothing. I'm the youngest in this group and I'm not sure about this.

Well, I wasn't driving so I might as well join in cause I was going to be there until they finished anyway. With everyone stripping down and walking to the edge of the swimming pool, I felt this surge. I'm looking at those older guys and my **** has sprung to life. I mean, embarrassingly so. Here these guys, they just ***** down and casually walk around the pool like nothing like they do it every single day.

I didn't walk around. I hit the pool as quick as I could hoping that the cooler water after a summer evening tennis match would calm things down. Just today, that image came to my mind. I swear, I didn't even think much about it then except I needed to hide.

Fortunately I lived to see another day, ha ha, and no one else noticed anything. At least nothing was said. They could've gotten a chuckle from the new kid!
Here's to laughing!!