Confused

Valentine's day is not my favorite day of the year, even though I am in a relationship.  I bought a card with the intention of writing something, I just didn't know what to write.  It ended up being a whole lot of my unhappiness and telling my boyfriend of 2.5 years that I am beginning to wonder if I am bisexual.  Not surprisingly, he was totally supportive.  Now what?  I read some other posts on EP that said you can 30% lesbian and 70% straight etc.  I don't think I have a percentage at this time. 

 I'm in the middle of allowing myself to not be afraid of areas I have avoided in the past.   So I am allowing myself to be more social, to allow people to be friends with me that I have avoided in the past, etc.  Does it make sense to be bisexual as a result of absolute necessity?   i'm not sure if this is the case for me or not.   What I mean by that is, our sex life is not all that great, mostly due to time constraints and some other things that I won't go into, mostly because they are not my issues, but his.  Am I actually attracted to other women, the idea of other women or do I want to myself in them so I feel better about myself. 

For all I know, a woman has flirted with me and I missed it.  This is normal, as I don't notice when a guy flirts with me.  Guess I have a bit of an inferiority complex.  Another issue is that I have never been a one night stand kind of girl.  I'm an INFJ, so relationships do not come easily to me, as I don't feel comfortable with casual relationships.  So I would actually have to develop a friendship with a girl who feels the same as me.  Further, what if I'm not bisexual.  I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings as I would feel bad if the same happened to me.

Besides the card I wrote to my boyfriend last night, this is the first time I have written out these feelings which means for, this is the first time I have truly thought about what I am feeling, in depth.  I think best when I write.

Thank you for reading if you got this far.  If you respond, I will reply.  You can email me if you don't want to respond on here.

semihippiechic semihippiechic
31-35, F
2 Responses Feb 15, 2010

I've heard that sexuality evolves over our life time. <br />
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I was reading a thread on here yesterday that had posts by over 20 people who said they discovered they were bicurious or bisexual later on in life (some of them were in their 50's). Maybe "discover" is the wrong word to use. I think the phrase "allow ourselves to be open to new experiences" may be more appropriate in my situation because of my past. I grew up in a semi strict catholic household, where my parents discouraged independent thought, exploration. I have been in relationships that have mirrored my upbringing (ironic!?)....It's been more recently that I am in a relationship which allows me to explore what I want out of life, instead of ignoring my needs and wants. I am also in college which is opening up the world to me as well.<br />
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I have also heard from more than one source that sexuality is on a continuum, hence bicuriosity and bisexuality. Not necessarily totally on one side or the other, but somewhere in the middle. <br />
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I would also guess that being bicurious for a woman is different than for a man because sexuality is in my opinion different for a woman. Not all women, because we are all different.<br />
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I require a lot of thought to think through everything because this is the way I am. Again, a trait women seem to share. Plus, I go over board with my thoughts which includes the process I use to get from here to there. <br />
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Am I bicurious? Do I think about girls in a sexual way. Yes. For how long? At least several months. <br />
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If you don't agree, I don't care.

Are you even attracted to women? It sounds like you're not too sure. Most straight women I've talked to find other women attractive and some studies have shown that women are turned on by anything sexual. I think if you were a real bisexual, you would have become attracted to other girls at a very early age. I'm a guy but I was attracted to girls starting when I was 5. When I was 4, I was not attracted to girls but when I hit 5, something changed. And then when puberty hit, all I thought about was girls and sex! It was not something that required a lot of thought to figure out.