Is There Really Hope



i am 47 years old and the married mother of 2 children.  i love them more than life itself.  they are my whole heart.  i would be lost without them.  i have been battling with depression since i was 14,  except no one knew it. i have only been finally been diagnosed with being bipolar.  for years i have been battling with this disease with no hope in signt of ever getting better.  the way i see it there really is only one cure and that is to die.  but even with the several attempts i have made in taking my own life, i have only come to one conclusion and that is that god doesn't want me either.  i don't know what to do anymore.  i have tried seeing a few pyscharists but usually top going to see them.  i am seeing someone know and truly believes that there is hope for me. i often tell him that i glad he does, but as for me there is no hope.  i have being seeing him for nearly 2 years now, which is a record for me but because i really can't or won't open  up to him their is really so much he can do.  i am unable to talk about how i really feel.  somehow i feel it is safer if it stays within me.  so i thought if i could find a online chat group with other people who are feeling the same way that it would be easier to to open up and be honest about how i really feel.  so here i am.  can anyone please help me for i really do not know how much longer i can contine you fight.  i feel so alone and i really don't want to be.  please someone help me.




























amammasluv amammasluv
46-50, F
5 Responses Oct 3, 2009

Amammasluv, have you ever tried counseling? I think psychotherapy together with taking the right kind of medicine should help. But you would have to open up and talk about yourself during your therapy session, of course. Do you think you could do that?

what does bi polar mean? What are the symtemps? Thanks.

My mother was bipolar, and I fear that I am too. I attempted to take my life 4 years ago. Since then I have decided I do not want that especially after my kids. They are my life. I want help from doctors but i'm ashamed to say anything bc i always fear rejection and labels. I also feel I have no one to talk to about it. My mom is now gone, God rest her soul, and my father is not in the picture. My husband doesnt want to hear of it, and my motherinlaw is judgemental. I have no friends bc i pushed them all away for different reasons. So I know how you feel in a way.

I lived with someone with bi polar. I found that she was alright as long as she stayed on her medecine and kept talking to her doctor. Live is full of ups and downs, and letting people know how you feel is a big part of your treatment. <br />
good luck.

I failed in taking my own life. I was then diagnosed bipolar and put on effexor. I am doing somewhat better. I was disappointed in staying alive. I hope you can find what you need. Just letting you know you are not the only one. hugs