i am 47 years old and the married mother of 2 children. i love them more than life itself. they are my whole heart. i would be lost without them. i have been battling with depression since i was 14, except no one knew it. i have only been finally been diagnosed with being bipolar. for years i have been battling with this disease with no hope in signt of ever getting better. the way i see it there really is only one cure and that is to die. but even with the several attempts i have made in taking my own life, i have only come to one conclusion and that is that god doesn't want me either. i don't know what to do anymore. i have tried seeing a few pyscharists but usually top going to see them. i am seeing someone know and truly believes that there is hope for me. i often tell him that i glad he does, but as for me there is no hope. i have being seeing him for nearly 2 years now, which is a record for me but because i really can't or won't open up to him their is really so much he can do. i am unable to talk about how i really feel. somehow i feel it is safer if it stays within me. so i thought if i could find a online chat group with other people who are feeling the same way that it would be easier to to open up and be honest about how i really feel. so here i am. can anyone please help me for i really do not know how much longer i can contine you fight. i feel so alone and i really don't want to be. please someone help me.