I Have Finally Defined What I Am !

Hi, I just wanted to share with you my story. I was raised in a household of macho men doing macho things, as a child I was both sensitive and scared of any kind of aggression or aggressive behaviour, I always wished I had been born a girl as they seemed to be treated with more sensitivity than I was.
As I grew older I adopted the male way just to survive, I was athletic so it wasn't too difficult to get the approval of the other men, this carried forward into my adulthood where I still put on a masculine show, marrying a great woman and (thankfully) having 2 daughters.

All the while I have felt an urge to express my femininity and difference, this, for me usually takes the form of wearing panties, having my toenails painted, bright socks (I know!) anything that is hidden but makes me feel connected.
The hardest thing for me was the adoption of the male aggression when it came to dealing with life in general, I found myself saying and doing things that were against my nature, I isolated myself and became estranged and lonely from my wife, this caused me (and her) to feel depressed and pessimistic about our future together.

I decided on January the 9th 2013 that for my life to change for the better and for things to get better I had to tell her how I felt and give the real me a fighting chance. I did just that, her main concern was the understanding of how this would impact our lives, I think she thought I was going to walk around in a dress and wig, but I explained to her that I was the same person, this time, with shaved legs, painted toes, panties and a better more loving attitude.

So far it is early days, my attitude to her and my life is so much better, I still feel uncomfortable about wearing panties in front of her, my daughter painted my toenails the other night as she thought it would look pretty...my life is better for being me, it's nice to find a label also as this helps to identify other people out there who feel the same. I am 47 years old and i wish I had the courage at 17 to be who I am, but I can't change the past I can only live for today and enjoy the new and improved me.
A word of advice to anyone who feels trapped like I did, there is nothing wrong with you.. you are a beautiful sensitive soul that has more perspective on why we are here than 99% of the people on the planet, you are right in how you feel, express it and find like minded people and live your life not someone elses. xx
krisbi krisbi
46-50
Jan 23, 2013