Why Me?

I like to think of myself as a smart, likable guy. I have great friends and an even greater family. I have a beautiful daughter that I adore. I make stupid choices though. I never follow through on anything. I am mentally ill and just now have they figured out what is wrong with me. I'm bipolar with major depression and anxiety. I have a history of getting my act together during manic episodes, at times being simply amazing but beginning to tear it all down at the same time. When I realize how bad I screwed up the depression sets in. It gets worse with every episode. Now when I get depressed I get it bad. Hopelessness sets in and I simply give up. This is usually when my relationships fail. Why me? Why is it that someone with so much promise and so much potential has to battle this horrible demon inside my head? Every time it falls apart I am filled with so much regret that it takes weeks for me even to show my face in public again. I am so sick and tired of this being the story of my life and don't want it to define me. It hurts. I am waiting for a doctor to see me now. They say it's going to be 3 more weeks. Why should I have to wait that long to start putting all this together? That hurts even more.
jeffro499 jeffro499
1 Response Sep 28, 2011

I feel ya, it seems as though when things are looking up in my life, something comes along and knocks me back down. Is it too much to ask for happiness? It seems like it may be sometimes. It almost seems like its too much at times and that there is nothing that I can do to make it better. Only time seems to make any changes in my life. Time is not my friend, I hate time, but its all that I can do so to try and keep sanity, let time make its changes.