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Sick of It

i wish i wasnt the way that i am. life would be so much easier. i wouldnt flip out on someone for no apparent  reason and eventually have them get tired of me freaking out on them that they end our relationship. i wouldnt wake up depressed for no reason at all or start crying for no reason at all. i wouldnt get in trouble at work for missing days for being in the hospital for trying to kill myself. i mean im a christian but i dont understand why god is doing this to people. this is like some sick joke for him. i think if i wasnt this way id have more than one friend. id get that promotion at work. id be in a healthy relationship. why do these things happen to people who dont deserve it? i just want it all to go away and i want to live a happy normal life.

goopernipple goopernipple 18-21 1 Response Feb 21, 2009

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i know exactly how you feel. i got diagnosed over a year ago, but my doctor was apparently more concerned with insurance billing than proper care of his patients. last week, i saw a new therapist who told me that in order for the meds i had been on for over a year to be doing anything to me, the dosage should have been raised to 6x what I'd been initially prescribed! i feel so robbed of so many opportunities in my life, and despite my contant reminders to "move on," i can't help but be racked with regrets over lost chances at education, employment, or companionship. i don't want to cry anymore, or overreact anymore, or hurt someone i love ever again. i just want to be happy.