Is There No Middle Ground???

I am Bipolar. Known for years. Tried near every pill out there but still battled my symptoms. Went thru ECT 3 times a week for a while even. That did help on a short term basis but the headaches and memory loss were too much to deal with. I was left with very little memory of my life yet still had the symptoms. My doctor then suggested I get a VNS implant (Vagal Nerve Stimulator). Having reached my limit I agreed to the surgery. Since having it implanted the scales seemed to have tipped. 90% of the time I am in such a deep depression I constantly consider suicide. I used to go thru periods of going out, getting drunk and partying then periods of not being able to be around anyone without having panic attacks. Now I never want to be around people at all. I stay on the verge of panic any time I leave the house. I sometimes long for a manic episode... Is there no middle ground???
somegurl somegurl
36-40, F
Jun 3, 2010