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A Desperate Time

My story no diferent than others.  The only thing is that is that iam very refactory.  I have been on mos meds done etc.. What is left. A nothingness that consumes u,   I feel so alone because there just doesn't seem to be any help. I wake up everyday wishiing i was not here.

kettou38 kettou38 36-40, F 4 Responses Jul 5, 2010

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ps "Man can will nothing unless he has first understood that he must count on no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth." <br />
— Jean-Paul Sartre<br />
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Maybe better to investigate your feelings through Philosophy and Sociology? Just an idea!<br />
:)

Hi <br />
Refractory: Not yielding (at least not yielding readily) to treatment. Thanks I had not heard that word.<br />
<br />
I wonder if your seeing yourself as no different to many others is not part of the problem you face. It is by finding the uniqueness in yourself and others that we have value and purpose.<br />
<br />
Consuming Nothingness sounds like Anomie which is a Sociological concept. Here from Wikopedia:<br />
<br />
Anomie in common parlance is thought to mean something like "at loose ends." The Oxford English Dictionary lists a range of definitions, beginning with a disregard of divine law, through the 19th and 20th century sociological terms meaning an absence of accepted social standards or values. Most sociologists associate the term with Durkheim, who used the concept to speak of the ways in which an individual's actions are matched, or integrated, with a system of social norms and practices ... Durkheim also formally posited anomie as a mismatch, not simply as the absence of norms. Thus, a society with too much rigidity and little individual discretion could also produce a kind of anomie, a mismatch between individual circumstances and larger social mores. Thus, fatalistic suicide arises when a person is too rule-governed, when there is … no free horizon of expectation.<br />
<br />
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Anomie is not an illness or medical condition. It is a socially constructed human reaction. You need to deconstruct it! Sartre wrote about in Nausea I think.<br />
<br />
best wshes<br />
:)

Hi <br />
Refractory: Not yielding (at least not yielding readily) to treatment. Thanks I had not heard that word.<br />
<br />
I wonder if your seeing yourself as no different to many others is not part of the problem you face. It is by finding the uniqueness in yourself and others that we have value and purpose.<br />
<br />
Consuming Nothingness sounds like Anomie which is a Sociological concept. Here from Wikopedia:<br />
<br />
Anomie in common parlance is thought to mean something like "at loose ends." The Oxford English Dictionary lists a range of definitions, beginning with a disregard of divine law, through the 19th and 20th century sociological terms meaning an absence of accepted social standards or values. Most sociologists associate the term with Durkheim, who used the concept to speak of the ways in which an individual's actions are matched, or integrated, with a system of social norms and practices ... Durkheim also formally posited anomie as a mismatch, not simply as the absence of norms. Thus, a society with too much rigidity and little individual discretion could also produce a kind of anomie, a mismatch between individual circumstances and larger social mores. Thus, fatalistic suicide arises when a person is too rule-governed, when there is … no free horizon of expectation.<br />
<br />
<br />
Anomie is not an illness or medical condition. It is a socially constructed human reaction. You need to deconstruct it! Sartre wrote about in Nausea I think.<br />
<br />
best wshes<br />
:)

I feel the same way a lot. Being bipolar sucks, we know first hand how cruel people can be. How they judge you. ****, I have a friend who's becoming a DOCTOR who doesn't talk to me anymore because I told her i'm bipolar. No matter how unmanageable things may seem, they can always get better. I don't know what kind of resources you have access to, but I find that exercise and yoga help stabilize me a lot. Research shows that the most successful treatment is a combination of CBT and certain meds. I think about killing myself almost every day, but don't wish you're not here. you have a purpose to be here and talents to share with the world.