Working With The Mind

I realized that the surest way to combat depression is to stay busy. It's the switch of focus in the mind that makes us switch states.
I recently came down from a manic episode. I felt depressed for quite a while. I felt like my inner world was destroyed by the system with stereotypical notions of what's normal and what's "appropriate". I was force-treated with anti-psychotics.  I realized that what I am feeling right now, is that everything is just ordinary. It's hard to face after feeling high.  So I had to stay busy to constantly feed my mind, as its own entertainment function is gone down. I felt like my inner show business died.
One person told me that that's what defines extraverts and introverts. Introverts have very loud inner voice which makes them retreat in their own world and be more with themselves, while extraverts have this inner voice very low, so they need something from the outside to form their entertainment.
After I started taking meds, that's basically what's happened. My inner voice went down and I urgently need to replace it with outside activity.  Just needed to become an extravert.
Today went through my journals and notes from the past and found my notes of my art therapist's advices: "You have to feed the artist inside. Otherwise he would starve. Everyday pay attention to visually stimulating details or otherwise stimulating details and write them down (beautiful things, pieces of music that you liked, visiting an expo you liked, someone said something you liked, etc). It's true. We don't feed our mind and suffocate it with idleness. That's where all this depression comes from. Actually when I started back then recording my stimulating impressions of the day , at one point, being in a bad bad mood, I took out my notebook and got flooded with good memories I wrote there. I felt so good, as if i gave an injection of good things to my mind. Basically, when we're down, we just focus on bad things, and get a compilation of bad memories to accompany the main course of depression.
These days I needed to drastically change habits and ways of living. While manic, I could sit for hours and listen to my mind narrate interesting stories, very vivid and epic sometimes. I was the main character. Now I have to stuff my head with other people's stories, to feel I am not alone feeling down. Even though I overcame the main crisis of the comedown, I still have bad mood sometimes, and at times I feel lonely and useless .
I feel I have this energy I want to channel into good things, but no one needs me. I feel I have help to offer, but no one asks. I feel I could have done so much more than I do now.  Today I got angry at all this. I tell myself: I want to accomplish this and that. My mind says: "nah..." I start to analyse this "nah"... What images come up? I am seeing the disorder and clutter in my room come to the surface. So I thought : there you go! Recently I read about feng shui and how it affects our lives. I agressively cleaned so much clutter today, and now I feel my eyes have a place to rest while I am in my room typing this.
Yeah, all lies in focus...
One thing that really helps me these days are music, the experience project, art, youtube, the movie "The Secret", self-help audios and my sister. I also have a psychologist that I am seeing tomorrow.
I hope people with depression will overcome it soon and will believe in themselves. Even the most amazing people get depressed sometimes and anyone who feels the most unloved and lonely can think of himself as of a star that needs help before life's real fireworks start.

foxonline foxonline
26-30, F
1 Response Jul 21, 2010

Great fun dealing with the "manic/depressive" or just down in the dumps swings, isn't it? I miss the high side, too, but am content to avoid the crashes -- lost too much along the way. <br />
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Music is good, always. Wishing you peace, and steady bright shining.