Another Bi-polar Story

When I was 12 I realized that I had a very bad emtional problem. I started to attempt suicide yearly, and leading up to that was problems in the family, which I blamed my mood swings on. When I got into high school, I begin getting into fights frequently. I was actually suspended 3 times in 2 weeks at one point. I was always angry, and when I wasn't I was emotional, crying, and sad. Soon enough anyone who knew me or knew of me thought I was crazy, and if I were them I woud've thought the same thing. I was hopitalized when I was 16 for another suicide attempt that had gone wrong (or right, however you look at it) and was diagnosed with depression. At this point the Children's Aid Society had custody of me, and had funded me for a psychologist. I brought up the possibility of bi-polar to him, but it was hard to diagnose me because I was constintly dealing with stress and the hardships of my life. He refered me to a physician, not that you need to be refered to one, but he thought she would be help to me until I found a good psychiatrist. She was also unsure if I was Bi-polar, though I had family members who were. My mother is, my dad (who comitted suicide) is , and my brother (who is serving a life sentence in prision for murder) is. Of course because of the people I was related to, and because of the way i had behaved at times myself, people started to feel that they were right about me being "crazy". I really hate that word by the way. If I got into an argument with a friend/boy friend, they would use that word to hurt me, and I guess to justify whatever they were doing. It became unbearable at times. I ended up in the hospital again because my physician decided to put me one an anti-depressant, which are bad for most bi-polar patients. I was finally diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder. That was a year and a half ago, and not long after that I graduated from college. However I had more emotional set backs and in the spring of 2010, I had had it with everything. My doctor put me on a medication, and it was making the depression of my illness much worse. They would not change it so I decided to take whatever meds I had, and put everything to rest for the final time. I took about 70 pills, a combination of 5 different meds, then left the house. I started feeling like I was drunk, but I wasn't tired...yet. Soon the police were called and they had caught me at my house. I continued to take medication infront of them. So of course, an ambulance was called, and I was put in the the psyc ward for a few weeks so I could have my meds ajusted. It's pretty sad that I had to attempt to take my life before anyone took me seriously. My bi-polar father and brother had to go to the extremes for anyone would actually consider that they had a problem, and needed help. And when I say anyone, I don't just mean doctors, but workers, family, friends ect. I've come to realize that taking the road they took will only make things worse. It's an everyday battle. Today I am sitting here without any sleep, and havent eaten in 3 days or longer because of my illness. At this point I'm taking medication regularly, going to therapy, working on positive living, and working hard as I can to deal with this illness, and what it does to me. I'm starting to get over the how people precieve people with Bi-polar. I choose to no longer care. This is my life, and I defiantely determined to be another positive example of what a Bi-polar person can be or do.
farrahrose farrahrose
22-25, F
Jul 23, 2010