My Bipolar Ruined My Relationship

I am in my second year at college and have very recently been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Last year, I grew very close with a guy who lived on my floor. We became really good friends and really cared about each other.

During a manic episode in the beginning of this semester, I kissed him. We both realized that we cared about each other in the same way, but we were unsure of how to take the next steps. I was manic for the next two weeks or so and would want to spend way too much time with him, or get impatient and erratic around him. We were kissing, then we decided we shouldn't any more, then we had sex (he was a virgin...oops on my part), then we decided to be friends, then we were making out again--these crazy changes in our relationship happened every few days and were driving us both crazy. Furthermore, most of what happened was a result of irrational decisions on my part.

The next week, I had an episode of depression. After a "talk" (a.k.a. me crying my eyeliner onto his shirt for an hour), we stopped talking.

I haven't communicated with him at all in the past 10 days. I know I confused him. I just don't know what to do at this point. Part of me wants to tell him that this all happened because I am in the process of understanding my bipolar. Part of me also knows that if I tell him, he'll probably peg me as more insane than he thought I was in the first place. Part of me doesn't want to have to apologize for my illness.

I understand that my bipolar ruined a great friendship. If it wasn't there, I know we would have had a healthy romantic relationship. It hurts to know that I lost the trust of someone I love because of bipolar.
booboo321 booboo321
2 Responses Oct 1, 2010

Atiqahmed...the one thing that scares me the most, is when people say they are scared of me...

i need help with this aswell i didnt even know what biploar was untill7 months ago when my wife ran back to the states and told me she was scared of me we seperated now for 7 months and i dont kno im gona get it cheaked out but i dont kno man i see it as a big downfall if it is that becasue some people can cope i cant