First Time HereI was diagnosed with bipolar at 16, but we didn't find the right meds until I was 19 and I didn't take compliance seriously until I was 21 and almost completed a suicide attempt in college. I am Type I and manic as hell when I'm off meds. To complicate things, I also have a BS in psychology and do histories, testing, and research for a neuroscience clinic. I feel like the other clinicians somehow sense that I have a diagnosable condition, they just can't figure out what, I just tell myself that's irrational thinking. I've been in the field almost 8 years. I am 29 years old, and I'm married with a beautiful 4-month old daughter that I absolutely adore. Unfortunately, bipolar isn't all that's going on- I also have generalized anxiety, ADD, and insomnia (situational- not chronic) . I am seriously over medicated- I can tell because I feel like there's a decline in my cognitive function. I'm on Lithium, Prozac, Wellbutrin, Adderall XR, Klonopin, and Trazodone- plus thyroid meds thanks to Lithium screwing up my thyroid. No one at work knows about any of this, of course. So sometimes I feel like I'm walking around as an impostor. But when I'm with a patient, I'm totally comfortable. When my new insurance kicks in, I'm going to have my new psychiatrist (after ordering a SPECT scan) gently wean me from the Prozac, then the Trazadone. I know I will be on Lithium for life- I accept that. I just had a baby 4 months ago, I know I will need the Wellbutrin awhile longer to ward of PPD relapse (I had severe post partum depression and panic attacks). As far as the Adderall, I focus much, much better with it and that keeps my stress level down, but I would like to, at some point, slowly wean off the Klonopin-benzodiazepines really aren't good for the brain. It's just too many meds. It's been like that for half my life. I've on nearly 30 psychotropic medications, and when it came down to it, I had to stop self-destructing, take the meds, and take responsibility for my treatment (it took many hospitalizations for me to figure that out). Right now, I feel pretty good, but I know it's the medications. Granted, I get up excited to go to work. I drop my baby off at Grandma's, get to the office and am excited to be there. Should I not fix what isn't broken? I also have an Arnold chiari malformation of the brain stem- and the cognitive, balance, and headache issues might stem from that. I see a neurosurgeon on the 28th. Well, that's enough about me! Thanks for reading.
AgentScully1013 26-30, F 3 Responses 1 Feb 6, 2011