Wish My Brain Would Shut The Hell Up!Yep...i'm bipolar. Bipolar 1, manic depressive if we want to get clinical. It royally sucks. Can't really put a sugar coating on what it is. I was diagnosed right before I started a 2 year prison sentence. I'd embezzled mass amounts of money from a company I had worked out, ba
When I got home, I couldn't control my emotions, used to hide in the closet. I went immediately to my doctor and started lamictal. I'd used it prior and it made me feel sane and normal. Added prozac to it and I felt like I could finally breathe again.
My poor family had gotten so used to my outbursts, and bailing me outta jail...it became a routine. When I was regulated on medication they didn't know how to handle a normal me. It's funny, but sad too. I wouldn't have survived my mind in prison if I didn't have them, we have a strong history of mental illness in our family, so they are all quite educated as to what the illness is and what is the real person. I am very thankful for that.
I have children, who I montior for signs. My mother and 2 siblings all have bipolar. It's stricken our family without impunity.
I take ambien at night bcuz I can not sleep. My rapid cycling mind never shuts up. I hate being manic...I can go from a high to a low all in the same day...same week...I can't have a consistant high or low like most bipolars. It's frustrating. I constantly have to tweak my mgs of lamictal to keep up with the changing moods...which I am thankful that lamictal...has the ability to do that since it digests within 24 hrs.
Bipolar has riddled my life...hurt people in it with my lashing out and constant paranoia...it's caused such lvls of euphoria it's made me want to stay in the manic modes for the simple high i get off of it.
I've been on meds for 5 years now...and i wouldn't give them up. I've been crazy my entire life...the opportunity to feel sane and have the ability to fix problems...to follow thru on projects...little simple things like that ...make me feel so accomplished.
So I dunno...could be a curse, could be a blessing...personally it's an abnormality and I try to use it to my advantage whenever possible.
m2extreme 31-35, F 13 Responses 6 Apr 26, 2011