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My Own Success

My name is James,
                                   I was an honer roll student in grade school. I was happy and very  involved in my academics.I belonged to my student body. I was involved with sports as well. Once I started Junior High something terrible happened. I started having feelings i could not understand. I could not focus, and i started feeling an array of strange feelings, I continued to try in school. I started getting bad grades. I was overcome with these twisted emotions that I could not understand. I thought everyone felt these feelings. After struggling in school my teachers accused me of not trying or not careing.. It hurt so bad being told these things. I started hanging around with teens that did not care and was always in trouble. I felt stupid. An example of how i gained hatred towards school is in the 8th grade when after the first day my 8th grade Algebra teacher sent us home with homework and I could not get it, so I tried as hard as I could to go back to school and have my teacher tell me its not good enough and that I did not care to try. She sent me to the principal with a couple others that did not do there homework. I was spanked with a wooden paddle as hard as the principal could swing it with three swats. After that I quit trying and did not care anymore. I have always been a rapid cycler.  I started terrorizing the teachers and quit doing my schoolwork. I could not understand why I would get very sad and could not understand the hypo- mania, or full blown mania. Kids started treating me as a loser. My mania started telling me there was kids that hated me and they wanted to hurt me. My father was abusive and he beat me pretty bad, which inflamed anger and mistrust.  I started feeling I should start hurting the bullies that hurt others. I soon realized all of the high school students thought I was insane. As i became an adult the mania became extreme and the depression as well. after I quit school I became a very bad person. My mania became paranoia. I started using drugs and alcohal to deal with the twisted emotions. I did however get great jobs. I became very sick and went through a total melt down at the age of 36. I was working 72 hours a week and turn around later to lose the mania and not being able to go to work because of deep depression. I was taken out of work permanently and placed on Disability. I found a wonderful Doctor that prescribed the right meds. I dont know what others consider sucess. I now feel sucessful. Im able to take to care for my children, and with the right meds I will be entering college to counsel children with my problems.
Sincerely,
                 james 48 years old.

Thanks for letting me tell my story
jimnewsome48 jimnewsome48 46-50 Jul 16, 2011

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