The Rollercoaster That Is My Life

I get an opportunity, a great opportunity to finally make something of myself doing something I love. My first roof contract! Oh I was so thrilled, on cloud nine, when I picked up the signed contract and down payment check. It was finally my time. I started accumulating tools, a crew, and put together the schedule. Here we go. But there were already signs I was destined to fail. These guys weren't motivated. They didn't give a **** about their work. One of them drank all day. But it wasn't going to stop me. I had made it. I could work though anything. I spent too much of the down payment money so I didn't have enough materials to finish the job. Not to worry, I made it happen. Job done, paid in full. Off to the next. I went through several more jobs like these this summer and from the outside it looked like I was doing great. I was seeing a great girl, but something was telling me I could do better. I stayed as non committal as possible. You see, in the past I had been accused of moving too fast, so I was trying to take things slow, and I worked so much. But it went on. Finally I got a big job that I was very excited about. It started slowly, homeowner was unhappy, and I ended up losing the contract. It instantly put me into a depression that was like any other I had in the past. I pushed away the girl, my friends and family, essentially just gave up. She couldn't understand why I wouldn't let her help, and ended up leaving me. I was destroyed. I got blackout drunk and flipped out. Now she is done with me, I am living on my mom's couch, and am completely and utterly hopeless. I am 3 weeks away from being put on the right meds and I am so depressed. I haven't felt like doing anything in 3 weeks. Even my 6 year old daughter who I adore couldn't cheer me up. This is a cycle that has continued throughout my life. I can't take much more of it. I'm tired of getting and then losing repeatedly. Hopefully this doctor visit will be a new beginning for me.
jeffro499 jeffro499
2 Responses Sep 28, 2011

You sound like you know what's happening to you, but why don't you pull yourself together and fight the illness?There is a chance you'll get better and live a good life for the sake of yourself, if not, atleast for the ones you love and love you. Catherine zeta jones and Robbies Williams have it. They seem to be trying their best to live a normal and fruitful life. I, myself, was diagnosed with a severe OCD about 5 years ago. Actually I was diagnosed already once when I was a child, but there was no good therapy avaiable back then, today things are different. I have all the hope. I'm getting better each day. Sure, there times when I go deep down again, but I pick up fast. My good friends are doctors. My parents are lovely. I have a lot of friends and students who truly love me. I have all the good reasons to live and die an old lady . My niece wants to visit Disneyland in Hong Kong, so a good aunt like me has to work and make money to make her dream possible and travel the world with her. Oh yes, I also want to live to eat all the sweets that I like. Hahaha LOL. Come on! Cheer UP! Your sweet daughter needs you. You're her father. You got to fulfil your duties. You owe her,.<br />
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Please do all you can to comply with what your doctor tells you to do. Life is beautiful. There are so many things you can do to make your life worth living. I live to look after my beloved niece, to love my boyfriend who has bipolar, to teach my students.<br />
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All the best!

Keep your head up! It may not seem like things are going to get better, but they will! It will take some time, but it will happen! :)