The Rollercoaster That Is My Life

I get an opportunity, a great opportunity to finally make something of myself doing something I love. My first roof contract! Oh I was so thrilled, on cloud nine, when I picked up the signed contract and down payment check. It was finally my time. I started accumulating tools, a crew, and put together the schedule. Here we go. But there were already signs I was destined to fail. These guys weren't motivated. They didn't give a **** about their work. One of them drank all day. But it wasn't going to stop me. I had made it. I could work though anything. I spent too much of the down payment money so I didn't have enough materials to finish the job. Not to worry, I made it happen. Job done, paid in full. Off to the next. I went through several more jobs like these this summer and from the outside it looked like I was doing great. I was seeing a great girl, but something was telling me I could do better. I stayed as non committal as possible. You see, in the past I had been accused of moving too fast, so I was trying to take things slow, and I worked so much. But it went on. Finally I got a big job that I was very excited about. It started slowly, homeowner was unhappy, and I ended up losing the contract. It instantly put me into a depression that was like any other I had in the past. I pushed away the girl, my friends and family, essentially just gave up. She couldn't understand why I wouldn't let her help, and ended up leaving me. I was destroyed. I got blackout drunk and flipped out. Now she is done with me, I am living on my mom's couch, and am completely and utterly hopeless. I am 3 weeks away from being put on the right meds and I am so depressed. I haven't felt like doing anything in 3 weeks. Even my 6 year old daughter who I adore couldn't cheer me up. This is a cycle that has continued throughout my life. I can't take much more of it. I'm tired of getting and then losing repeatedly. Hopefully this doctor visit will be a new beginning for me.