My Rampant And Overwhelming Emotions

I have many emotions running rampant in me at any given moment and i just sdont know how to deal with it. I would rather just take a bunch of pills so that I can slow my mind down enough to be able to at least be able to think about how im feeling. i like a slightly drowsy feelingin my head so that its slower than normal and the world around me kind of fades away from my mind. i dont get into this state often but i love how i feel wheni do. i feel like no matter what happens around me i wont be privy to it. i feel like i am at peace when i have that feelign. i love it, i usually have music playing in my headphones when i get this feeling. music on world off. i love that feeling. sometimes if i take enough benedryl the feeling will happen but i have to take like 5 to get there. sometimes thats ok but i cant be doing that all the time. my problem is i have to figure out how to get that feeling without the pills.