Being Bi-polar

When I was younger there were sometimes conversations about crazy people. The adults said that, "crazy people don't know they are crazy". I've had severe depression and periods of high mental acuity throughout my childhood and into my adult years as well. Having gambling problems and an eccentric personality lead me to being quite friendless after high school and the bi-polar worsened a great deal. It was at this point that I started hearing minor voices. Wayyy in the back of my head. I had heard voices from time to time as a child but this time they were here to stay. When you start to hear voices, they are really you talking back to yourself. This is where I became crazy. I drove from Washington state to California to find an old martial arts studio from my childhood. I was convinced they were "expecting me". I then tried to kill myself because I realized that I was completely delusional and senseless. That didn't work. Somehow, I swallowed 300 sleeping pills and lived to tell the tale. I have been in mental institutions once a year for the past four years now. I have not only talked to myself but have literally not slept for a week during severe manic phases, and finally after this last hospitalization I have secured medications and the means to acquire them. It's been a long road but after all the hallucinating and stupid crap that I've done for eight years, this bi-polar loner is finally taking it easy and letting it all go. I've been incident free for about six months now and I am finally taking my meds on a regular basis. I am not ashamed of my illness anymore because it is something which is a part of me, and I understand this now. We should not be ashamed of who we are. All the brothers and sisters with bi-polar out there, God Bless You.
spark16 spark16
26-30, M
Dec 12, 2012