My New World

I was just diagnosed with Bipolar. I am only 34. I knew I had issues. Like one minute I am happy and the next minute I am tired and depressed. Then again I want to bake cookies and decorate for the holidays. I thought I needed more sleep or that I am bored. I am a few meds and decided that if I want to keep getting them I need to see a real doctor. So my brother in law helped me by hooking me up with his doc and paying for the visit because god knows I can't pay the $400 fee.
Sitting there answering quick questions about myself. In one hour I went from someone who was depressed and had anxiety issues to being bipolar. Yes this came as a shock. I know this is something that is NOT socially accepted. So I have my doubts. Like most people, I jump on the computer and Google this. Took 4 quizzes. Over and over, the results... I am bipolar. I even tried cheating at the questions, just a little... NOPE...Staring me in the face, I am bipolar. How can this be? I am a mother of 4.
Looking back over the years, hell the past few months. I do have highs and lows. I talk out of turn. Ha this could be the reason why I lost my job of 12 years. I feel like I am the life of the party one minute and a loner the next. Today I feel I can do anything. I am going to start that diet. Do that project with my kids. organize my house. Shampoo my carpets for the 4th time this month. When the day comes, I change my mind and want to be by myself. " leave me alone" is all I can think of. I am moody to my family. I leash out for no reason. Ya Julie wants to sit on me and get a hug, but I am not ready at this time.

So seeing this doc, put things in a different light. I know now that I have issues. I can not blame my family but maybe look at it from where they stand.

In the end... I am just learning how I really am... This is just the beginning of a whole new life.
niki0209 niki0209
Dec 15, 2012