Manic-depressed

For a very long time I thought I was just depressed, and my doctors treated me as though I were only depressed. However, a few months ago, I did my own research and realized that depression was not my only issue. Looking at family background and at symptoms I had throughout my life, I found out that I had bipolar disorder. I didn’t self-diagnose myself: I talked about it with my therapist and psychiatrist, and both confirmed I was bipolar after looking at the evidence.

What stood out the most to me was the manic episodes I get. I always thought that I was being overly happy, but it turns out my behavior was not normal. I get easily irritated and hyper; I don’t sleep; my libido skyrockets; I get these grandiose delusions about myself; and etc. What are most common for me are the depressive episodes, which last for months at a time. I am currently in a mixed state in which my mind is racing with ideas but my body is exhausted.

I quit my medication a week ago because nothing has helped me. That may not be the best thing to do, but I’m desperate. School’s just started and I’m freaking out because I can’t concentrate and I’ve been depressed since last semester. I’ve been hoping to lapse into a manic state in which I feel invincible and can do anything, but I know that probably won’t happen (and I hope I didn’t offend anyone with that statement; I know how difficult and dangerous the manic state is). I just miss having the energy to do things. I’m twenty years old, but I feel forty.

There’s still a lot that I don’t know about bipolar disorder. I’m hoping to know enough to deal with it and get on with my life. I haven’t been feeling well at all, and there’s no one around here to talk to about my condition (at least, people my age or who aren’t medical professionals). I’m struggling to hold on to my sanity and my everyday life. I want to make peace with this illness before it’s too late.
deleted deleted
26-30
2 Responses Jan 8, 2013

I understand your pain, i'm currently in a mixed state too the body is exhausted and the mind is racing a million miles an hour , for me the best thing to do is try stay active as hard as it seems i know and some meditation and music therapy is also a necessity for me other than that you just gotta roll with the punche's i guess and keep up the good fight that we all have in us .

I know you'll get through this , you have my best wishe's good luck .

I hope you feel better. I know how you feel. Hang in there please. I am here if you need a friend.