My Diagnosis

Looking back on my life, I think its fair to say I was about 13 when I first started having symptoms. I would get depressed easily and my mania was all in the form of rage. When I was depressed I stopped doing school work, I almost failed out of an private school my seventh grade year.

Though it wasn't until I was self-injurious in tenth grade that I got help. I was cutting myself one night and I just wanted to see blood and feel better, but I cut too deep and I couldn't stop it on my own. I went to my mother sobbing, and she understandably freaked out. She helped me get my thigh to stop bleeding and then just held me as I cried. The next day I was in a therapists chair.

The first therapist I saw for about 2 years before she referred me to a psychiatrist. I saw that psychiatrist and she diagnosed me as OCD with major depression/anxiety. She suggested heavy doses of antidepressants. With some coaxing, my parents agreed to medicate me.

It was awful, I was a zombie. I stayed on the meds though and went off to college. I learned to self-medicate. I drank, I smoked weed, I popped pills, I felt better. I went off the meds. I dropped out of college. I came back home to my parents house. They noticed my drug usage, and the bulimia I had developed. They sent me to rehab in California. I spent 4 months there, with a god awful psychiatrist.

When I came home, I saw a new psychiatrist. He did an extensive history and talked to my parents about my symptoms. One session, he looked at me and told me I wasn't depressed, I was bipolar. Rapid cycling bipolar 2 to be exact. He weaned me off the antidepressants and started me on lithium and an antipsychotic to control the rage episodes. It's been an up and down journey but I feel better having the correct diagnosis.
MallieJia MallieJia
22-25, F
Jan 21, 2013