This Is Me

I have apparently had OCD and bipolar my whole life, but until recently doctors noticed it and gave it a name and medication. It does seem to be effecting my life more an more with time. Now it is making a shambles of everything I thought I knew for sure.  Sure there have been the suicides, and murders...and quirky people in my family. The hermits, the ragers, but I thought that happened in all families. They all died too young(44-55) to really know how to treat it or how to live with it, so I don't have any thing to refer to or to give me hope. So here I am, reaching out for suggestions, inspiration or anything to help.

I have been married too long to an angry man, also which I thought was usual,and until all the kids were gone, I never realized how very little time he spent with just me or talked to just me. Maybe 25 min. a day. So here I am, trying to figure things out. Any help would be appreciated.

pufflelump1 pufflelump1
51-55, F
2 Responses Mar 3, 2010

Well...the one thing I have not lost is hope. Some how it has chosen to stay with me. I was also married 6 years to a man that beat me almost to 1 inch of my life...and more. He was murdered after our 2nd daughter was born. I then married the man I am with now 22 years. He has just been diagnosed Bipol1, rage dis., paranoia and some others. He has never made life easy but now he says "I was sick, and I don't remember it". The kids, all 4, have their issues with him, but I tried my best to be....as Dr. Phil says..."the soft place to fall". They would do anything for me, but my husband thinks I have brain washed them.<br />
I know I need to take a hard look at it all. My illness is like my friend because I have always had it. Somehow because my husband just found out he has "stuff" he is very angry, BUT he is taking the meds.<br />
I have had a VERY hard life, maybe it is me time.<br />
Thanks for the imput.

Sometimes being different gives us another point of view. A harder way we look at life sometimes or maybe today a little softer. Pain seems deeper, but joy feels richer. I struggle also with the dark days, the lonely times. But having had this all my life as well I was lucky to get great help, support, and meds. You sound so depressed. Get help if you can. Keep writing here. People understand what you are going through because they've been there. Take a good, long , hard at your marriage and decide if you deserve and want better. I was married for 6 years to a abusive man. Now I'm happily married 24 years to a man that loves me for all of me-manic. depressed,anxious whatever. He just accepts me. I wish you peace and the very best of luck. Write me