Coming Out

 I had a long term boyfriend who talked of marriage and kids and the little house he was saving for in Virginia when I met her. She was enchanting and strong, funny and smart, and she loved me. I was so confused and I left him, told my family I was gay, and moved in with her. It was too soon. I didn't know what an angry person she was. She was resentful that I had been with a man, and made me promise her that I would never leave her for a man. There were nights she wouldn't share a bed with me because she was so disgusted with me. How was I supposed to tell her that I had feelings for men and women?

Two years later, she found another woman. Five months after I recovered from what had to have been the most violent breakup I have ever heard of, I found someone else too, and it's a man. 

And although he accepts me as I am and loves the fact that I am bi, I still struggle. Recently, I have been depressed. The days seem to drag by. He and I are so far apart, and I am still untreated, so my ups and downs are controlling my life.

I'm afraid this isn't much of a story, more of a short rant, but someone has got to feel the same pains that I do. Someone else in this world has got to know what it feels like to be looked down on for loving a person for who they are and not what is between their legs. How do you hold your chin up when people are kicking you down?

sidewalkkittie sidewalkkittie
22-25, F
2 Responses Feb 11, 2009

I definitely know what you mean about the lesbian scene. Having to justify being a femme lesbian daily, even to my own girlfriend was very difficult. I'm finding that there is a similar bias against being a femme lesbian and being bisexual. Most people smile and nod and either tell me that I haven't met a real man yet, or that I can't be gay because I "don't look gay". It's very frustrating.

I can't really tell you that I felt the same thing as you did, all I know is that I am a lesbian that has been with a married bisexual woman who has a boyfriend too now, and it never bothered me at all because she was and is a person that I love as a person and I totally accepted her bisexuality. I mean what does it matter if she's with a man or with a woman? To be honest, I almost prefer her to be with a guy than with a girl because lesbian can suck too, with their "lesbian scenery behaviour crap".you know what I mean? All this competition in the lesbian scene. I don't know if anybody feels like me, but that's what I find a million times more disturbing. The sex was also better with her than anything I've ever had with lesbians. Don't give up, you deserve to be happy, be it with a guy or a girl, you're free.