Overreacting

I believe that as long as no one gets hurt, everyone has the right to express themselves sexually however they please. Every time I hear someone say (or write) that they wonder whether what they are feeling or experiencing is right or not I get mad. Making the world better place has never been my passion, I'm too much self-centered bastard for that, but if it were I would start up with people who are scorned of what they are. Things that they have not chosen for themselves. Hating people for something that they have no way to control isn't just pointless, it's ignorant.

Yet, it seems I am a hypocrite. Lots of big talk, but in the end I fall as a victim of stereotypes. I have no way of knowing the truth behind the generalisations and statistics, and every single study feels like it's pointing at me, only at me. When I found one thing that might be true, I can't help but think that they all may be. Just because someone said, someone I didn't even personally know, that ”men are bisexuals only because they are desperate, women because they are *****.”

It's easy to come up with logical arguments. It was a stupid and insulting comment, most likely quoted. I may have voiced my disagreement if I didn't feel like it was true from my part.

Thinking about it is pointless. I can't think away the nagging feeling of being a ****. Feeling that I'm an animal without a sense of self-discipline. The best I can come up with is a ridiculous defiance, wanting to shout at their faces that they have no right to judge, they don't know what they are talking about. Everyone is sexual, humans are just mammals, nothing is more natural than think about sex!

I'm feeling the temptation to think myself as a divided being, who has a beastly side and intellectual side. But even I can't fool myself that much, it's a thought created by desperate denial. There is only one of me, whether I like it or not. Can it be a person and an animal at the same time?

When I'm faced with these thoughts I pick up my books and study or find my chess machine and play. The fight is on. If I get it and get good grades or beat up the machine I win and they loose, I'm a person. I can be as successful in life as anyone else and it doesn't matter if I prefer girls or guys or goats. If I loose, then maybe they were right. Not that it would keep me from trying again. What else can I do?

Wish me luck.
Fearofsilence Fearofsilence
18-21, F
3 Responses Jul 11, 2010

You are who you are. You don't have an animal side of you & another side of you. You are one in the same. There is nothing wrong with being bisexual, and there is nothing wrong with being sexual in general. When are people going to learn that sex is natural & not perverted. I'm bisexual; it's who I am. And yes, society has gotten way more accepting. I'm a transguy who lives in small town Ohio & I'm open about it. I've found that most people either don't care or are supportive that I've found my true self.

I admit that I was being a bit unfair against undefined "them", and in the end I should be (or I am?) grateful. Looking at the bigger picture the society has become tolerant and accepting to different lifestyles and forms of sexuality. But when stuff like this happens... it's kinda like hits the weak spot, you know?<br />
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Glad to hear you have had more positive experiences.

Wow you take pretty good aim at society. I used to look at the big picture taking Sociology courses and Psychology courses, but one day I went shopping in a woman's clothing store for a few new outfits for a gay dance I was going to. To my surprise the sales girl was nice to me and even picked out my size and outfits to try. I bought a nice pair of girl skinny jeans that I wore around while I go shopping. I thought that I would get lots of bad complements, but every one treated me with respect. I told all the guys at work that I was bi and again I was treated with respect. Now days I have bought girl glasses, and girl shoes to go with my pants, and completed my new look of a t shirt and blue jean girl. The shoes I bought could be worn by either sex. I have even bought some girl blue jean shorts that I wear around in the summer and no one seems to care. It is like I am letting them know that I am gay or bi and no one cares. I hope that you have as much luck as I have had as a bisexual.