When I First Discovered I Was Bi

This is a kinda strange thing to me why I'm bi. I've always lived my with many pretty women in my life and I always figure I must be a pretty good looking guy or have a good personality. The first time it became clear I was bi was when I was reading yuri one day and I thought about giving yaoi a try. So a started looking at yaoi and loved it. It aroused me a more then yuri sometimes. But then I thought I'm a guy and being gay or bi is thought of like an abomination and I don't one be an abomination. So I've been trying to change even to this day. I hate myself sometimes and think whats wrong with me. When I'm surrouned by girls who like me and I see a guy that I'm attracted to I think stop looking at him and pay attention to the girls. I'm still in the closet and actually been secretly trying to get boyfriend and this is the only site where I have expressed my bi-sexuality and Thats why I came here. I figured someone my be able to help me quit or maybe I can find a boyfriend if I accept this part of me. I'm still trying to figure my bi problem to this day. And thats a short version of when I discovered my bisexuality. It just seems like all I can talk about to myself these days are about my bisexuality and the worst part is that I've been more attracted to men lately especially those emo looking guys with the long hair and skinny bodies which makes it hard to talk to women. I guess I'm what you call fluid.