Trying?

Okay, first off. Those of you who think being bi-sexual is just an excuse to be able to have sex or want attention from both sexes, you're wrong. I thought for a long time that I was straight and just bi-curious. But now I know that's not true. I fell in love with my best friend in sophomore year, and thought I wasn't really in love...and I actually got over it for a while.

I've been used and mistreated, mainly disrespected, by men my whole life. So yes, my bisexual tendencies probably have come from my hatred toward most men. But, now that I've put deep thought into it, my concern is the fact I fall in love with both sexes. I'm sexually attracted to both male and female, equally really. As of now, I see myself marrying a man. But at this time in my life, I am in love with my sophomore girlfriend again. And although she's dating someone else, well not really dating but still with her recent ex girlfriend, I still am in love with her.

So I've been questioning myself. Why am I? I left her and chose my boyfriend at the time over her. I knew it hurt her, and it also hurt me. But I chose to stay with my boyfriend. I didn't know until almost a month ago her true feelings on it. She told me she felt like I had just left her behind and that I didn't understand how much she loved me. I didn't. And that was my problem. When she told me she was "in love with me and saw herself being with me for a long time," I was actually in complete shock. She even told my friends that. I had no idea. So, I started thinking back and recollecting memories and information and I realized that yeah, she was. And because we were still growing and maturing I didn't know that I was either.

Now, I regret not taking it more seriously. I found so much in her I couldn't find in any one else. I was being abused and hurt by my boyfriend at the time and I chose to stay with him. She would be around me after I left her that year, and hear me talking about that guy. She said it made her cringe and sick to hear me talking about him. Once again, I didn't know that til just recently.

I am in love with my ex girlfriend. I don't know how to come to terms with that. But since we had been talking a little lately, and acting sort of more than friends (not seeing eachother often) I didn't know what to do. I care too much to make her see me and talk to me. She has a semi-girlfriend right now who she has been with since her senior year. How could I take that love away from her? I do love her, but I care much more about her happiness than my own in this case. I just know that most relationships at young ages do NOT last (from personal experiences) and no matter how in love with someone you are, if the relationship isn't functional or healthy it is not going to last. Not matter how much you love each other. I tried to tell her that, but I thought about it and she probably thought I was saying that cause I wanted her to be "mine." Which is not true. Yes, I would love to be able to hang out with her and talk to her but I have come to conclusions that I know I can't. So why would I try to claim her as my own when I know she has her girlfriend now? I'm just sad that people don't understand the difference between caring, loving, wanting, and missing compared to just wanting and needing that attention.

I am in love with her, and sometimes I question if I'm in love with my present best friend now. I'm not confused on my sexuality, just confused on what being in love is.

I just want a way to not get sad thinking about how much I miss my ex-girlfriend, that's my main concern.

I care and love many people. I'm that type of person who is trustworthy and time giving. You know, the type of friend everyone comes to for advice and to tell their problems to. So I have that in me automatically. I just don't know how to react to my own problems and feelings.

I'm bi-sexual, and now I've admitted it. Weird feeling, right?
re4409 re4409
18-21
1 Response Sep 11, 2012

Thank you for sharing this story I have said elsewhere today that I cannot believe that gay people could marginalise bisexual people, especially when they have been so marginalised themselves for so long... You are welcome brother in my circle anytime