Bi And In Love With A "straight" part (3)

I guess about two weeks have passed and it seems like everything is starting to settle down after that night. I have not gotten a REAL decent night sleep. Sex with my wife had been really great. And occasionally, I have caught myself fantasizing about a ********* with my man crush at work; which the more I thought about it, the more excited I became, and made the whole lovemaking experience even more intense. I know she’s suspecting something different about me. More bold? More daring? I brush it off that I’ve been working out a lot and that the testosterone is really kicking in. I’m still very bothered by the whole thing and still heavily crushing on my friend. Everything about him just turns me on. It’s not just his looks, but his demeanor, his movements, his way of talking, his dorky laugh. The way his eyes dart around when I put him on the spot or try to debate with him and prove him wrong. It’s the way he put his arms around me and slap my shoulders and shove me off the sidewalk. Sometimes after he runs at lunch time, I can smell his man scent, and it just smells so sexy to me. I imagined how it would be if we were really ******* and that’s how he would smell. At this point, I don’t think I can give up the friendship.
Last Friday, I had tickets to the baseball game which I had bought for my family. I wanted to buy one for him too. But I refrained and thought that he would just be a distraction for me while I spend time with the family. At the end of the work day, I was about ready to go, he called me on the phone and said, “Hey Man, what are you doing tonight?” I said, “Going to the game! You?”, “I’m gonna go get a quick drink across the street, want to come with me?” ****, I can’t say no. It’s so hard to. I look at my watch and say, “OK, a quick one.” I met him at the bar across the street and he already got a drink started and he also ordered me one ready and waiting for me. “Thanks man!” I say. He looks at me in the eyes, playfully trying to read me. “So whats up!” he said cheerfully. “Wow, someone’s had a nice day. I replied. “You going to the game?” he asks, “Yeah, I told you that.” “ Well, my buddy said he got me tickets tonight, so I’ll see you there!” “That’s awesome man!” I declared. “Awright, cool. What are you drinking by the way?” “I don’t know, it has gin, its hella stiff”. “Oh yeah?” I said coy. “Is it really stiff?” LOL. He bust out laughing. “How about you?” he asked. “I’m always stiff.” I said. LOL. “I meant your drink, dumbass ******…” LOL. So we talk more and laugh, and he told me that his friend will be picking him up later on to go to the game. I said OK. He decided he’ll wait at another bar and told me to go ahead. For the life of me, I couldn’t get myself to leave. I didn’t want to leave him alone. Or maybe I didn’t want to leave his side. I said, sure, lets go. We went to another bar downtown, it was Friday and it was crowded. He bought another round of drinks. I didn’t want anymore, but he convinced me to go have a last one. As we sat next to the stage, we talked about his girlfriend and I asked him if he misses her since she lives so far. He says sometimes. But he also appreciates the freedom of having the long distance relationship. I told him that it must be tough for those moments when you’re feeling horny and she’s not accessible. “****! that’s the downside, but hell, I got my hands.”, he said. I edged a little closer to him. I can smell him. It just so irresistible sexy. “****, what am I doing?”, I ask myself. I resist and tell him I gotta go now, “When is your friend coming?”, “Hold on, I’ll text him” As he typed in his phone, I watch him, observing. Looking at his shoulders, his face, his chest, and that ******* flat abs that I’ve always been jealous of. He looked so sexy in the light. “****!” he exclaimed, “He’s not coming to get me, he’s already at the game.” “****** ***, he said he was going to get me!” Now, I’m pissed. “Dude, WTF?” So he didn’t get you tickets?” I asked, “He said he was getting them!” “****, that’s disappointing.” “Dude, you want to just come with me and we’ll see if can get tix at the window?”
“Dude, it’s Ok,” he said. “You go spend time with your family. I’ll be OK.” I never seen him pissed before. His eyes fiery and angry. At the same time, I really had to go. He tried to coax me to leave. But I wouldn’t go until I know he was going to be OK. Finally, he gave me a big hug in front of the people in the bar, and from nowhere gave me a quick kiss on cheek, and pushed me to go. “I’ll be fine man,” he said. “I’m gonna go home.” I thought to myself, what the ****? Where did that come from? Did we suddenly turn European? I know the French does that, The Russians do that, I guess he’s Spanish, so they do that too. Am I reading too much into it? That was ******; new to me.
Frazzled, I turn to walk out as he escorted me out the bar. “Go man, you have fun with the family, I’ll talk to you on Monday. I’ll be fine.” I leave and head out to the train station and in my mind I don’t know what to think. Confused. Happy. Thrilled. Excited. I hide it all up and meet up with my wife and son at the stadium. I bury my feelings and lead my double life. I did have a wonderful time at the game, but I miss my friend so badly.
Hephaestion Hephaestion
31-35, M
1 Response Sep 18, 2012

So give us an update hephaestion what's going on? I hope all is well