I Always Knew I Was Gay, Since I Could Walk....

Hi,

Well as long as I can remember I have always like girls, even when it came to school, if I had a male teacher my grades would drop for some reason, which is kind of weird. When I was younger I was never that comfortable with guys. It wasn't until I finally went all the way that those nervous energy left me, I was 15 years old when I starting having sex with boys.

When I was really young probably between the ages 5-7 years old, I could rember playing barbies with my friends, but what did you always get your barbies to do? ****, or have sex, rub their bodies together something like that. Well I use always say, to my girlfriends, "let's pretend we are the barbies." They would alway game and into as long as I pretended to do the boy part. I guess that how I have become more dominate one in relationships, girls don't even need to touch me and I get off on it. Its amazing I can totally make myself ***, if I make the girl I am with ***. I love it, so much!

When I finally got a little older, getting closer to my teen years, probably around 9 or 10, my babysitter walked in on me and this girl completely naked rubbing our bodies together. She just started yelling crazy, I don't think I have ever shut down, so quickly I couldn't even speak, this was the first time in my life that I realize I was doing something wrong and felt ashamed. I don't ever, even remember a time in my life that I have felt this emotion before. It really scared me, especially the way she responsed because I truely didn't think I was doing anything wrong, maybe I was a little young but all kids do this. After this moment in  my life, I never let anyone know about this part of my life. I think this is why it took me, so long to come out of the closet with my parents, because of the way this girl made me feel, they had no idea.

After that I tried to forget this part of my life, all the other girls were just starting to notice boys. See I was never a shy person, always an entertainer in the group, I would make people laugh all the time, but once you got me in a room alone with a boy. I would frezze right up, my hands would get sweaty uncontrollable, then they would start to tremble (my hands always shake especially, if I am really nervous), I couldn't even really form a senstence. I hated this, I could not stand this type of nervous energy inside.

By the time I hit 15 years old, I got my first boyfriend and decided to just have sex and see, if this nervous energy goes away. This what happen, it didn't last longer then a minute. When it was over I didn't even understand what actually happen. He was embarrassed, I was trying to get him to tell me because I didn't understand. Our sex education stop real early at a young age, for some reason I don't even recall having it. I remember those videos about, if someone touches you inappropriately then tell an adult.

Now my boyfriend was a year older and already had sex before, so I was looking for guidines. We dated for a year and practice sex a lot and every where we  went, very adventurous and outgoing we were. I tried everything I possible could imagine. He kind of wracked oral sex for me, he was my first and the way he responsed to it was weird, plus he tried when I was on my period, I know gross. After that I didn't really do it for a long time, not until I hit my 20's. There was no point, it was stuck in my head for the longerest time that it didn't feel that good. But Then I met some girls, who just love eating ***** and as well as some guys. Who shocked me that they are, so good at it. I really enjoy it now and just give whomever lots of direction because I know what I like. If they don't follow it and it's uncomfortable then I just stop it.

Now that I am out of my teens, I know what I want. I only want to date girls because they provide me with all the right attention and emotional side of things. I still love **** or at least getting ****** by the real thing, so I am just going to continue what I am doing. Open-relationships are the only way to go, starting a relationship off with no secrets is the best thing to do, it makes your relationship that much stronger by having no lies. Talk about the rules in detail and only share the information they want to know and nothing else. For great guidelines read, "The Ethical ****" you can buy it in any bookstores, but most of them you have to order it. This will really help you by having an open-relationship.

Well good luck all you bisexuals, I hope you figure everything out, so you can feel complete and having happiness. Have a fabulous day! Peace Out Bloggers

Yeahhot1 Yeahhot1
22-25, F
2 Responses Feb 11, 2009

So many children have been taught that their natural, loving, pleasurable instincts are bad. So much pain and sadness has been caused so unneccessarily by adults who can't let their children experiment and learn what makes them happy. Thankfully, many of us finally learn to allow ourselves to be happily ourselves!

Yeah, I'm happy for you, too!! Congratulations on figuring out what you want! Welcome to EP by the way! You'll love it.